Who Is Jane Shepard?
by Rosehaven13
Summary: A/U -Kaidan Alenko is the hero of Elysium and Commander to Captain Anderson. Jane is a mercenary kid know as Jessie Massani, raised by one of the most feared bounty hunters in the Galaxy, and a hero of nothing. Not that she wants to be. But a twist of fate, and a meeting with Thane, turns her world upside down. FShepard/Kaidan to start, but things get complicated...
1. Jessie

_This is my first jaunt into Mass Effect, Fanfiction. I'm a huge Dragon Age fan, and recently finished the Mass Effect Trilogy. I loved it so much I had to steal the world and the people in it. Purists beware, I have changed timeline, ages, and well a ton of other things. I hope you enjoy it. And of course, I don't own any of it, I just love to play here._

oOo

Zaeed Massani, never found himself in this part of the city. It was too nice, too clean, and much too full of people who would love for him to be behind bars. It had been six years since the First Contact war, a war that had been very good for his business. Zaeed was cofounder of a private security organization. Know throughout the galaxy as The Blue Suns. Security might be too kind of a word for what his organization did. Organized bounty hunters or mercenaries were better descriptions. Either way they performed necessary, if not sometimes illegal operations for people all over the galaxy. And thanks to the war, their employers had grown substantially, along with their wealth.

Zaeed was a good-looking man, in his early thirties and he needed some relaxation and company. This side of the city had the finest company money could buy, not what he had been used to in some of the more ugly places in the galaxy. Though there was a certain comfort to Omega, a deadly type, but it still pulled at him. He had sworn once they had made it through the relays and discovered the people and enormity of the galaxy, that he would never step foot on Earth again. But goddamn it all, a job had pulled him back. He had wanted to send Vido, his counterpart in the leadership of The Blue Suns, but he had other business. So here he was, back on this goddamn planet where he was wanted, by just about everyone. But that had never stopped him before, so he turned into the first Casino he could find and set about spending some of that hard earned money.

The hours passed quickly and Zaeed found himself back on the now empty streets of the city. Cutting through a back alley, he was more than a little drunk and pulled up short at the sound of a small child crying. He stopped, his eyes adjusting quickly to the darkness around him. He recognized what he saw at the end of the alley almost instantly. Two bodies, side by side laying face forward on the ground, their hands were bound. Two shots each to the back of the head. This was no typical robbery gone wrong, this was a hit. Crouching next to the bodies to check for vitals he quickly stood back up as he recognised the Alliance Military uniforms, he quickly scanned behind him, and to the sides. He didn't want to be around when the Military police showed up. Thankfully it was empty and quiet.

Quiet, but hadn't he heard sounds of someone crying? Not just someone, but specifically the sounds of a very small child. Tilting his head to the side, he glanced down the narrow alley; if they had been chased this way before being cuffed and shot they would have come from that direction. Making his way quietly and slowly the way they must have come from, he stopped as he heard a small sniff. Turning to his right, there was a pile of rubble and a dumpster. Lifting the lid he leaned his head over the side and looked right into the grubby face of a little girl. She was dirty and scared; and as soon as she saw him she pushed back to the far side of the dumpster, hugging her knees to her chest. Her parents must have put her here, had they known what would happen to them? He glanced back at their bodies, and then back to the little girl. She couldn't have been more than two, maybe three; her tears had made tracks through the dirt that covered her face. She couldn't have been there long; someone would have found them. Speaking of which, he needed to get moving, like now. He couldn't be here when the authorities showed up, but he couldn't pull a two-year old out of a dumpster and leave her there to sit with her dead parents, well he could. But goddamn it he wouldn't. So what the hell was he supposed to do?

It didn't take him long to decide as he reached out a hand towards the child, whispering as softly as he could in his rough voice. "Hey, take my hand; I'll get you out of here."

She shook her head and very softly but in the stubbornness only known to a two-year old said. "NO."

Zaeed wasn't known for his patience and he was already pushing it hanging around. He could just close the lid and walk away. They would find her; they would get her to family. But there was a lingering thought in his mind. What if the people who did this had orders to take out the entire family? As someone who had been a bounty hunter, and known his fair share of assassins, he knew that if they needed to kill her, they wouldn't let the fact that she was with other family stop them. This single thought had taken hold of him, and he decided that he couldn't let that happen. Why that thought set him at ease is anyone's guess. But that night, as Zaeed Massani scooped up a squirming and shouting two-year old, he became not only, Zaeed Massani the most feared bounty hunter and mercenary in the galaxy but, Zaeed Massani, the father.

oOo

Jessie Massani, as Zaeed had named her, grew up just like any other spacer kid. Well unless you count the fact, that she was surrounded by bounty hunters and mercenaries. Not to mention she had learned to shoot as soon as she could hold a gun, and had been taken to places no sane parent would ever have their child, all by the young age of four.

Zaeed, had taken no time off to be a parent, he had taken Jessie back with him, left Earth and traveled the galaxy, taking his normal jobs and overseeing The Blue Suns, as if nothing had happened. It was often joked that Zaeed had been cornered by a woman he had slept with, and she had dumped the child on him. His men made no mention of the small child among them, and in time she was even training with them.

To say that Zaeed was a good father would be stretching the term. But he was as good as he knew how to be. He gave her everything that she needed to survive in their world. Which meant weapons training, tracking, and a mouth to match, over all how to be what he called, "one tough daughter of a son-of-a-bitch."

Those in the Blue Suns wondered privately if she would be the next to take over, after her father. But Vido would hear nothing of it. To him she was no more than a body to take a mercenary spot in _his_ organization. They called her The Blue Sun princess. In fact most took to calling her simply, princess. And that was as far as her aspirations in life had gone. She was going to be a Blue Suns merc. By the age of sixteen she had the tattoo of the Blue Suns in the middle of her back, and had gone on as many missions as her father would allow.

Zaeed was proud of her, even if he did worry, which he did, but hid it behind slammed doors and swearing. She was strong-willed and could be troublesome, she was always getting into trouble with the other Mercs, and more than once he had to chase them away from his green-eyed, red-headed daughter, who had begun to grow into quite a beauty, with a loaded rifle.

Her life, as far as she was concerned, was perfect.

But it was at this point, when Jessie Massani age eighteen, daughter of the most feared bounty hunter and mercenary in the galaxy, found out that things are rarely perfect, and is where our story really begins.

oOo

"Jessie! I said you're not going goddamn it. You will listen to me for once in your sodding life."

"No offence, dad but you know I'm going and there isn't a goddamn thing you can do about it."

They stood toe to toe, Zaeed was leaning back his arms crossed. Jessie in front of him, her hands on her hips, her mouth set and her green eyes sparking with defiance. One of Zaeed's right hand men, an older merc who everyone just called Spanks, stepped forward with a laugh.

"Massani, shit you might as well admit that she's just as stubborn as you are. Let her go, it's a simple run, it's more like glorified body guards really, in and out. She's been on more dangerous assignments."

"That's not the fucking point now is it?" Zaeed growled his eyes not leaving Jessie's death stare. "I said she's not going and that's goddamn final."

"And I said I'm going."

Neither was budging so Spanks shrugged and left the room, leaving Vido the only other person in the room with them.

"Come on, Massani just let the Princess go, she'll be fine. I guarantee it." Vido laid a hand on his shoulder and Zaeed shook it off.

"Fine, what the hell do I care, run off without your old man to look out for you." He turned mumbling to himself. "Goddamn kid, doesn't care that I had things planned for her birthday."

Jessie over heard him and her eyes softened almost at once, "Dad." She hugged him and gave him a kiss in front of Vido, something she knew he hated.

"Dad, I'll be back. We can still go out for my birthday, don't be so damn frustrating. This is business, you know how it goes."

He loved her, he had let her in and she had become his daughter in every way, shit she even acted and argued like him, and he was trying hard not to hug her tight, and tell her that he wished she would stay and have her birthday with him. That he had a bad feeling about tonight. But his pride wouldn't let him.

"Yeah, yeah, Goddamn kid. I trained you too well."

She nodded her understanding at the unsaid words in his eyes, and whispered. "Yeah I love you too, you goddamned irritating old man."

Before he could even laugh she was gone, leaving him wondering if he'd ever see the stubborn redhead who he loved more than himself, and that was saying something, ever again.

Jessie had a bad feeling, as the escort she was in, lead a man in a business suit from his high-rise building, to a warehouse for a 'meeting'. It was obvious the business man was dealing in illegal drugs and firearms. But he looked nervous, like this was his first time. Why hadn't they brought more men for this? She shuffled her feet and rolled her shoulder and nudged the man next to her. They had been at the meeting spot for twenty minutes, and still no sign of the supplier. "You think this is going to happen sometime tonight? It's taking way too long."

The answer she received, was not one she would have ever seen coming. The man in the suit turned towards her, gun in hand, he was no longer nervous, but steady and deadly looking. As she reacted, the men next to her grabbed her rifle and pinned her arms behind her back.

She didn't struggle at first; unsure of what the hell could possibly be happening. "What the goddamn hell is this?" She tried to pull her arms away, but their grips only tightened.

"I'm sorry, Princess Vido's orders." The man on her right spoke, his voice was low, and even though he wore his helmet she could tell he wasn't looking at her.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" She began to struggle in earnest, as the man in the suit stepped forward and pulled her own helmet off, dropping it to the side and slamming the side of her face with his pistol.

"They said you had a mouth on you, someone should have taught you some respect."

Jessie spit the blood now pooling in her mouth at his feet, and sneered. "When my father hears about this he'll show you respect."

The man laughed and backhanded her again. "Too bad your worthless bounty hunter father is already dead."

She laughed, "Bullshit."

"Well don't worry if you don't believe me, you'll be going to see him soon enough."

She made to kick to the side, but the man just pulled her tighter and blocked her leg. "Don't struggle, Princess. It'll just make this worse."

"How could you Greggs? Goddamn it, I've known you my entire life, how could you?" She repeated herself again, but he only said, "Vido's orders, your father has outlived his usefulness, and you are part of that."

"Fuck Vido's order, my father is the real strength behind The Blue Suns, and what the hell does the suit have to do with this?" Her eyes were glued on the man with the gun pointed at her face. Where the hell was Spanks when she needed him?

The man laughed and shrugged, dropping the pistol out of her face. "No one could bring themselves to have to kill you, so they called me. Some mercenaries, bunch of sissy bed wetter's if you ask me. Can't even kill a little," but he wasn't able to finish his statement as three shots rang out, and the three men surrounding her hit the ground.

Thane had watched her since she left her father's house. She moved like water, her motions were deft and she was well trained for a mercenary. He watched her expressive green eyes go from shock, to anger to sadness as she was betrayed by people she thought she could trust. He would never forget the sadness in her eyes, nor the way her hair looked like darkening blood in the shadows of the warehouse. And the memory played over for him as he landed softly behind her.

Turning, she expected to see her dad, or maybe Spanks, but what greeted her was a serene looking Drell. His weapon was already stowed and he stood quietly watching her, his feet shoulder width apart and his hands folded in front of him. He looked perfectly at ease, yet there was something extremely deadly about him. And she would know, she had spent her entire life growing up with trained killers.

She realized she hadn't grabbed a weapon; her eyes darted to the side and down to the dead men at her feet. A light chuckled caused her eyes to snap back to the Drell.

"If I wanted to kill you, you would already be dead."

She tilted her head to the side, her eyebrow raised in answer. "Fair enough, so what is this?"

His black eyes didn't leave hers as he spoke. "Zaeed Massani hired me to follow his daughter, you. He was afraid of someone in his inner circle trying to kill him."

"That bastard, how could he, he should have goddamn well told me. I would have helped him, I would have," her voice became low, "he did try, I didn't listen though. Goddamn I'm an ass."

Thane was amused, this human girl was a trained killer herself, and there was a beauty about her that he didn't understand, yet the mouth on her caused him to smirk as she stirred him out of his inner thoughts, that weren't really inner thoughts, he had spoken out loud about the memory of her fighting with her father.

"I'm not sure I want to know what that was." She turned to grab a weapon and stowed it before moving to leave the warehouse. He turned and watched her take a few steps past him before she stopped and faced him again. "I'm Jessie by the way."

He lowered his head slightly towards her, "I know, Jessie Massani, also known as the Blue Suns princess. Everyone knows. I'm Thane."

She quickly turned away from him as he used her nickname, but not quickly enough, as he caught the fear and sadness that turned her eyes into liquid green pools. She was trained well, she didn't ask for his last name. Nor did she question his verbal recollection of his first memory of her, a side effect of being raised with killers and people who didn't want to be known, he reminded himself.

"It's a stupid nickname. So my father hired you, Thane? I need to get back to him, if you said he was afraid that someone was going to try to kill him, he'll need me. Especially now that I know it was goddamn Vido."

Thane would have found her language amusing, had he not seen those liquid green pools so sad just moments before, harden to that of ones he knew all too well, to those of a killer who wouldn't hesitate.

"I'm sorry, Jessie but I can't let you do that. My contract is not yet fulfilled."

"What the fuck does that mean?" She had stopped, her back to him and now tossed a look back at him that would cause most grown men to reconsider what they had just said in order to please her.

"As I said, I can't let you go; your father told me to save you if things went wrong and deliver you to safety. He may already be dead."

"Bullshit, that is exactly why I need to go to him, he may not be dead yet, and if I can stop it, I'm goddamn well going to try."

"No, Jessie you won't." He reached out and took hold of her arm, she felt a poke and then her world went fuzzy, and as she stumbled towards his arms, that she wouldn't really have minded falling into had the situation been different, she tried to shout at him. But it came out as a slur and he smiled slightly as she had said exactly what she was thinking out loud. Her eyes were closed as he picked her up, and carried her towards where his shuttle was waiting to take them to the ship that Zaeed had contacted. He hadn't asked why the notorious bounty hunter had called the Alliance to take the girl. They wouldn't look kindly on her being a Blue Sun. But it wasn't for him to ask; he would fulfill his contract and be done with it.

"Having you fall in my arms is an intriguing thought. Too bad I'll never see you again. But I promise I'll never forget you." He said softly as he laid her gently on the seat of the shuttle his perfect memory imprinted this moment forever. There was just something about her.

oOo

"So, now that you have her, what are you going to do with her?" Captain Anderson stood in the ready room of the Tokyo, facing Admiral Hackett who wore an expression that was both tired and worried.

"If it is her, we need to do everything in our power to help her."

Captain Anderson sighed and nodded. "Yes sir, but my only problem with that is it may not be her, Zaeed Massani isn't exactly the most reliable person in the galaxy."

Admiral Hackett was an understanding man and understood Anderson's hesitation. "I hear your worry, Captain. But Massani did describe, in gory detail I remind you, the exact way we found Jack and Megan Shepard. The news, reported it as a robbery gone wrong. There were very few people that knew the truth of what happened that night and half of them are in this room, that they were murdered, that their daughter was missing, later presumed dead, and that we never caught who did that to them. We owe it to them to help their daughter. We can't forget the service they rendered, to not only the Alliance during the war, but to us personally."

"Of course, sir but she was raised as a Blue Sun, not only that she was raised as Zaeed Massani's daughter, she's not going to take the offer to join the Alliance as a good thing."

Admiral Hackett heard what Anderson was saying and nodded sadly, "I know that. But honestly we don't have a choice, it's that or prison. I wish there was another way, but I can't just let her go, there would be a shit storm."

"So, after you tell her what's going on, what is your plan?"

"Well after basic, if she chooses that option, your new ship should be ready, you've already selected your team, I know, but I was thinking she would be best under your watch. No other Captain will want her on their ship. Not with her background."

Captain Anderson didn't even flinch just looked to the ground and then back at the Admiral. "Yes, Sir I think that would be best. But aren't you worried that it may hurt Lt. Commander Alenko's chances at becoming a Specter?"

Shaking his head he sighed, "No I'm not worried, Lt. Commander Kaidan Alenko is the hero of Elysium, his actions speak for themselves. Besides, I'm hoping some of that might rub off on her. Her parents were heroes."

"Yes, but sir that doesn't mean she will be."

"Well there is always hope, Anderson there is always hope."

oOo

Jessie couldn't understand it; Thane had taken her to an Alliance vessel? What was he thinking? Her father would have never told him to take her to them. She was sure the top brass knew who she was, and if they didn't they could sure as hell find out, hell she was still in Blue Suns armor. She could think of more than one time that they had undertaken a job that was in direct defiance of Alliance 'rules'. They would not like her here, any more than she liked it. So what the hell was she doing here?

That question was answered sooner rather than later, as the door opened and two men, one older, the other about the age of her father she guessed, entered the room outside of the cell where she was being kept.

She didn't say anything at first, waiting for them to make the first move, the older one looked towards the other and he nodded. "Yes, she does look like them. It's rather scary."

He then turned his attention to her and she met his gaze straight on.

"Jessie Massani?"

She nodded, "You know who I am then?"

"Yes, Zaeed Massani told me all about you. He had you brought to me when he thought your life was in danger. Though by what he said, he thinks you may still be in danger here. But it was his only option."

Jessie almost snorted, "Not goddamn likely, he would never. He hates the Alliance."

Anderson chuckled and she looked up and the younger man, "Well she doesn't sound like them, she sounds like a Massani. You remember," Admiral Hackett nodded and shot him a warning look and he didn't finish the thought.

"I understand your apprehension, Jessie but he did."

"Then you've spoken to him?" She interrupted but the Admiral only smiled sadly.

"Yes, but that was over four days ago. I'm sorry, I haven't heard from him lately."

He watched the sudden hope in her eyes fade quickly.

"Well then, what do you want with me?" It was said with a little sigh and a shrug of her shoulders.

"Did Zaeed, ever tell you anything? Anything about when you were very young?"

"No?"

"Do you have a mother?"

She laughed then and gasped as she finished, "you obviously don't know my father as well as you think, if you're asking me a question like that."

The Admiral looked amused and started again.

"I'm Admiral Hackett, and this is, Captain Anderson, and we need to have a talk with you."

"Well damn it seems you have me as a captive audience, so let's hear it."

"I'm not sure how to put this, but your real father isn't Zaeed Massani, he found you after your parents were killed on Earth, we're not sure why he took you. But that's not important for now. Your real parents were, Jack and Megan Shepard, both Alliance military. Your real name is, Jane Shepard."

Jessie listened quietly and continued to sit in silence after the Admiral had stopped talking, before she burst out laughing.

"That is the biggest load, of bullshit I've ever heard. You expect me to believe that goddamn shit?"

He nodded and she leaned against the wall. "It's the truth, and we find ourselves in a bind here. You're wanted for crimes in more than one system. But if you accept our offer, we'll see that those are forgiven."

She narrowed her eyes at him and leaned forward, resting her arms on her legs. "What kind of offer?"

Taking a deep breath the Admiral sat on the other side of her cell and also leaned forward, lacing his fingers together.

"Become Jane Shepard join the Alliance, save yourself from a life that is nothing but a dead end. I owed that much at least, to your parents. I know this sounds harsh, but it's that, or jail. The choice is yours."

oOo

Goddamn it Jessie what the hell did you agree to? No she reminded herself, she wasn't Jessie anymore, she was Jane. Goddamned Jane Shepard, Alliance military brat, and as she ran her one millionth lap and did her ten millionth sit up, she wondered if prison wouldn't have been a better option. But prison didn't afford her the option of being free to find her father, er' adoptive father? Kidnapper maybe, hell she didn't know, she didn't really care, she loved the son-of-a-bitch, and needed to know if he was okay. And she needed to find goddamned Vido Santiago and make sure he died painfully for the bullshit he had put her through.

Freedom, the word was used loosely, the military wasn't really freedom, but it was better than being stuck in a cell, and now that she was almost done with basic, she could get out of this hell hole and on to better things, which included getting the hell off Earth.

Basic had been easy enough, the training was simple, and she was easily one of the best trained there, though her mouth and lack of what they called respect, caused her to be in trouble more often than not. She found herself serving food and cleaning most often, well when she wasn't running. What was their fascination with running? Hell she was in better shape than most of the people in her training squad, and she hadn't run a track like this in her entire life. How about a little real world experience for these people?

She was at the end of her rope when they graduated from basic, if she had to stay with these 'yes sir, no sir,' mindless twits she was going to lose it.

They came for her the day of graduation, told her to pack her things and report to Captain Anderson. She was ready when they came, to their surprise and lead her to the shuttle pad and the waiting Captain.

"Well, that was faster than I had anticipated."

"Yes, well I'm ready to get off this goddamn planet."

Anderson lifted an eyebrow and she lamely added, "Sir" at the end of her rant.

"I suppose you've been told you made Lieutenant, based on your performance in the field, not on your mouth and respect I'd wager."

"Yes I was told, though I think they are goddamn crazy, sir."

"I'd agree with you, but to serve on my ship, it's required, so I'm glad you excelled in something."

"So, it's by your word that I made it out of here?"

"That and the fact that you really are talented, you just need some calming down, your temper and mouth is what gets you in trouble, though it will be nice to have someone tell me how they really see things for a change."

"Oh you're goddamn right I will, sir."

"That being said, I still expect you to act with deference on my ship, is that understood?"

"Yeah understood, sir," the last word was always added after a pause, as if she was forcing herself to say it.

The shuttle docked and they exited the airlock in to the ship. "This is the SSV Normandy, your new home."

She was about to ask what their mission was, when a man a bit older than herself entered the room, his dark hair was brushed back in typical military fashion, his face was sober and controlled just like all the other military she knew. But his golden brown eyes were oddly expressive.

"Shepard, I'd like you to meet, Commander Alenko, my XO. You'll be part of his squad."

"You're shitting me. The goddamned hero of Elysium, is my squad leader?"

She'd heard the stories at basic, same as everyone else, but whereas the other girls had swooned, she had simply rolled her eyes. But now she was going to be serving with the boy scout himself. This was bound to become interesting. And she had to admit, he wasn't that bad to look at. Not the same as the black, calm, brooding eyes she had often fallen asleep thinking of, but not bad.

He nodded as she gave a weak salute at Anderson's prodding and then chuckled.

"I've heard a lot about you, Shepard I expect our time together will be interesting." His attention was off of her in the next moment, as he turned towards Captain Anderson.

"Sir, I've had word that the Turian specter we're to pick up is at the specified location awaiting us. Shall I give the order?"

Anderson nodded his consent and headed towards the bridge leaving her alone to find her bunk.

First Hero boy, and now a specter, this post just got a lot more interesting.


	2. Or Is It Jane

Jane wandered the ship after finding her bunk, small by alliance standerds she thought. But was told it was one of the most advanced in the fleet, a joint effort, between the Turians and Systems Alliance. Turians, military even when they were bounty hunters and mercs; she had liked most of the ones she'd known, hell she had been raised with aliens and figured one was just like the next. Though Batarians were a little creepy, they did serve a purpose though, just like everyone else, she thought with a chuckle.

She met the pilot of the ship, a cocky little bastard aptly nicknamed Joker. She didn't really care about his proper name; the nickname fit him just fine.

Jenkins was also on the bridge, he was an over enthusiastic marine, who couldn't wait to get going on his first mission with goddamn Commander Alenko. So you know, he fit in perfectly well with everyone else she had ever met in the Alliance, if she didn't figure a way out of here, she was going to lose her mind inside a year, she just knew it.

As she continued to wander she stepped into a room and as the doors clicked closed behind her she found herself face to face, with Captain Anderson, Alenko, and who she assumed was the Turian Specter. Alenko looked amused, Anderson passive, but the specter looked downright annoyed.

"Anderson, I want it known that I do not approve of this. Jessie Massani is a known Blue Suns merc, not to mention the daughter of a man wanted in more places then I can even name."

Jane folded her arms over her chest, taking a defensive posture. But before she could speak, which most likely would have been a long string of cusswords, Anderson spoke up.

"Jane has left that life behind her, she has cut ties with the Blue Suns, and as far as we know, Zaeed Massani, is dead."

The Specter circled her once before pausing behind her and pulling up the back of her t-shirt so he could see the tattoo on her back.

"Yes, I can see she's left that life far behind her, she still bears the tattoo of the Blue Suns. Amusing, but she's your problem then, not mine."

Jane flung his hand off of her and spun to him. "Goddamn Specters, think you can do whatever you want, such bullshit, I've seen you and your partner before, think you're some kind of lawmen but I've seen you break just as many, if not more laws than most of us Mercs. Yet because you do it in the name of the council you get away with it."

"Shepard that will be enough," Anderson's voice wasn't raised, but it had a ring of finality to it.

Jane went silent, but the Turian Specter had the gall to smirk at her and she damn near pulled back to hit him, when he took a step back from her so he was out of her reach.

"Good to know we left an impression on you. Too bad I didn't catch your father that day. But if what the Captain says is accurate, he got what was coming to him."

That did it, Jane lunged for him and would have landed the first blow if Kaidan hadn't stepped in-between them and absorbed the hit.

"I'm sorry about that, Nihlus." Kaidan excused her as well as himself as he escorted her out of the room.

"Watch out for that one, you think you have it trained, but she'll stab you in the back first chance she has, she's just like him."

Jane turned to yell back but the doors closed. Holding on to her arm Kaidan took her all the way to her room. He let go of her and she stood for a moment facing the closed door, before turning to accept the scolding she was sure he had waiting. But she didn't find him angry, his eyes looked thoughtful and he wasn't even really looking at her, but the wall behind her. She was about to turn and leave when he finally spoke.

"Are they really like that? Specters, I mean do they really do what they want, in spite of the laws?"

"Yeah, it's kind of their thing, the council tells them what to do, and they do it at any and all costs. Not that I'm a hypocrite or anything, I know what I am. I know what I've done, but at least I don't do it and call it goddamn justice, or pretend."

"You mean besides pretending to be an Alliance soldier?"

"Oh shut up Mr. Perfect." Jane rolled her eyes and then realized what she had said and to whom she had said it.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Sir."

Once again his golden brown eyes weren't angry, just amused. "Is that what they call me at the Academy? Perfect?"

"Yeah, the girls seem to think you're a God. Don't let it go to your head though; you're just flesh and blood like the rest of us." She poked at his arm as if to the make the point, and as she hit the muscle she sighed, "Really well made flesh and blood, but flesh all the same."

She saw the flicker of a smile as he folded his arms across his chest, then as quickly as the sun disappearing behind a cloud, it was gone, his face the same mask she had seen when she first met him, though he couldn't hide the glint in his eyes, that betrayed his amusement.

"Well, Shepard, that Specter in there is coming with us on our missions from now on."

"What? Why the hell would he do that?"

"Well as it turns out, I'm being looked at to join them."

She laughed, but his face didn't move, "you're goddamn serious. They don't have human specters, Kaidan."

It was his turn to laugh, "Well not yet, but I'm hoping to change that. It would be good for humanity."

"Good for humanity, or good for the Alliance?"

"They are one and the same, Shepard."

"My ass they are, Kaidan you're too good to join them, if the stories are true, you're too big of a goody two-shoes, to do the things they do."

"Wow, how do you do that? It starts off like it's going to be a complement and then turns into whatever that was. Well, Shepard, you had better get in your room before the Captain gets here and starts yelling, I'll tell him I took care of it. Get ready to drop; we're heading down to Eden Prime, grab Jenkins and get to the Mako in thirty."

Jane nodded, remembered to salute and turned to leave; she paused halfway through the door when Commander Alenko cleared his throat.

"By the way, Shepard, it's Alenko or Commander until I tell you otherwise."

She turned a look on him that had made even the most seasoned mercenaries shrink from her, but he didn't budge, she smiled, even more intrigued now. The only other person to not cower from her had been Thane and his eyes flashed through her memory as she said, "And when will that be?"

"About the same time you let me see that tattoo on your back, close up."

The doors shut between them and Jane took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Maybe the Boy Scout wasn't such a Boy Scout after all.

oOo

Eden Prime was a mess, to put it mildly. It had been beautiful once, she had been there with Zaeed. He had told her it was only pretty on the outside, that the people here we're just as ugly on the inside as they were on Omega. Now it seemed to mirror that ugliness on the outside. It had been a profound thing to say to a ten year old, and oddly insightful, considering the source.

Though as Jane knew, her dad wasn't all the things these people said he was, well okay, so he was all those things, a killer, a mercenary, and yes he was a son-of-a-bitch. But he was also so much more than that. Pushing those thoughts as far away from her mind as possible she tried to concentrate on the task at hand. If there was one thing Zaeed had taught her, was that business always came first.

"Wow, this place is a mess." Kaidan echoed her thoughts and she shrugged.

"Wasn't always like this."

He nodded but they didn't say anymore as they pushed forward.

It wasn't long before that ugliness assaulted them first hand. There was a burst of fire from some sort of mechs ahead and they all took cover to return fire. Jane and Alenko were behind an outcropping of rocks, when Jane realized they were one short. She shouted for Jenkins, but it was too late, another short burst of shots hit him directly in the chest and he sank to the ground. Jane didn't yell again, she knew it was too late, even as she heard Kaidan shout, she simply returned fire and when all targets were eliminated she joined him at the fallen body of Jenkins.

"He was a good kid, so excited to serve with me. He was from here you know. Some hero I am."

Jane stared at Alenko, she wasn't sure she understood. Was he blaming himself? The kid had run down there, he knew better. Or at least he should have. "This isn't your fault, and even if it was, you can't save everyone. Goddamn, Alenko, like I said you're only human."

Kaidan's mouth pulled to the side in thought as he stared down at Jenkins. "Yeah, well it doesn't mean I have to like it. We'll send for him once we're out of here. Come on, Shepard, let's move."

Continuing down the hill Jane paused next to one of the Mechs that had shot at them. It wasn't a mech at all. Nudging at it with her toe she shot a confused look up at Kaidan.

"It looks like a Geth, I've heard the old spacers tell tales of them, plus I met a Quarian once who told me all about them. He was cute, or at least I think he was, you know, the helmet gets in the way. But his voice was cute."

Kaidan lifted his eyes from the Geth on the ground to the green eyes that were now staring at the sky.

"Why do I have the feeling you have millions of stories like this?"

She didn't respond to him but instead pointed down the hill where there was sudden movement and a lot of bullets flying.

"Looks like one of yours, and guessing by the yelling, it's female. Let's save her shall we, not only do we get you another adoring fan, but we might find out what the hell is going on here."

Kaidan shook his head, "First, it's not just mine, you're in the Alliance now remember and I don't need adoring fans when I've got you, reminding me how human I am."

Jane had already turned and started making her way towards the Marine, she had opened fire, and Kaidan was stuck between shock and admiration at the way she easily moved forward, switching seamlessly between her machinegun, shotgun and two pistols. It was definitely not regulation, she didn't fight like a Marine, she fought like a, well hell, like a mercenary, a damn good one, she would have made a fine assassin, as she work very well alone, in groups though, she didn't listen to instruction well, a fault most likely brought on by who she was raised by.

He was still standing there, motionless when Jane waved to him, "you coming down here or what? It's quite safe now, if you were wondering."

The woman who she had just rescued, was bent over panting until she saw Alenko when she went rod straight and snapped a crisp salute.

"Oh, Christ, see Alenko, she one of yours, not one of mine."

The woman looked shocked to hear her talking to Commander Alenko like that, and she sputtered when she tried to talk.

"Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, at your service, Commander Alenko," Jane rolled her eyes as she watched the color creep up into Williams' cheeks.

Kaidan tried to hide his smile as he watched Jane roll her eyes. Anyone who knew him would say that he had always been attracted to women who enjoyed his type of lifestyle, ones that weren't afraid, but the type had always drifted more towards the military attitude of one Ashley Williams, who he hadn't even really given a second look. He just couldn't keep his eyes off the red hair, green eyes that belonged to Jane Shepard, no, no matter how much they tried to take her out of the mercenary life, she would always be Jessie Massani, and he wasn't so sure that was a bad thing.

oOo

"Saren, what are you doing here? This isn't your mission, I would have reported back as soon as I was back on the Normandy. Though I won't say no to your help, who would have ever thought we'd see the Geth again."

Nihlus looked up towards a towering ship that he assumed to be of Geth make. Saren, his fellow specter ignored this statement with a wave of his hand.

"Forget the Geth, Nihlus, tell me about the girl. The one the Alliance is calling Jane Shepard."

Nihlus nodded and stowed his weapon, "you're not going to believe this, but its Jessie Massani, the Blue Sun Princess, Zaeed's daughter. I'm not sure why they are calling her Shepard."

"Damn it, I was within inches of her so many times and never knew it."

Nihlus had turned his back to Saren, staring up at the ship.

"What? Why do you care about Massani? She's nobody now, in fact I've heard Vido has put a price on her head, she'll be dead soon enough."

"Nothing you need to worry about, Nihlus. I thank you for your service, I do wish I had more time, perhaps I could have brought you with me."

The pistol was a breath from the back of his fringe when Saren pulled the trigger twice and let Nihlus fall lifeless to the ground.

oOo

Jane heard the shots echo around them, just two, not the rapid shots like before with the Geth. A chill sank into her stomach, two shots back to back, maybe it was nothing, but something in her core told her something was wrong. Nihlus maybe, they were close to where the artifact that Kaidan was looking for was supposed to be, maybe Nihlus had made it before them. As she crested the hill and on what seemed to be a platform, she saw the lifeless body of Nihlus before them, two shots to the back of the head. There was no one in the immediate area, and from the looks of the shots, they were almost point blank. He had known whoever had shot him, well enough to even have his weapon stowed. As she stared down at him, she sighed. "Well I know I didn't like the bastard, but I didn't want to see him executed."

"What? How the hell do you know he was executed?" Williams was staring at her, the look on her face was either disgust or jealousy at how close Alenko was standing to her. She crossed her arms leveling the look at her, and to her satisfaction Ashley flinched and took a step back. Keeping the look trained on her she pointed down towards the back of his head. "Two shots, close range, either the assassin was stealthy and was able to sneak up on our Specter friend here, or he knew him. I'm guessing he knew him. If he hadn't, he wouldn't have had his weapon stored, and there would have been a fight. Most likely got him talking and waited till his back was turned, and then, bang, bang."

"And how do you know that?"

"Because it's what I would have done." She said this without smiling and turned towards a pile of crates and where she had just heard a scuffling sound.

Kaidan heard it as well and was close behind her, weapon drawn.

"What you would have," Ashley didn't have time to finish as a man, obviously a dock worker, stood up from behind the crates.

"Don't shoot, I heard it all, you're right, he knew him."

Jane nodded satisfied and lowered her assault rifle, "Right, was he also Turian?"

The man nodded, "Yeah, your friend there called him," "Saren." Jane finished the sentence for him.

Kaidan turned a questioning look at her and she shrugged. "Saren was his partner when my dad and I had that run in with them."

He nodded, but Williams wasn't satisfied. "Why would you have a run in with Specters? Who are you?"

She didn't answer Ashley, instead turning her attention back to the dock worker, who Kaidan was still in conversation with.

"Yeah, the guy that shot him ran off that way, towards the ship, though I figured they were all here for that creepy artifact, but it's the other way."

"Alright, we secure the Artifact, Saren is a secondary objective."

"Sure, but I dare you to try and explain this one to anyone, no one is going to believe you, Saren is a Goddamn hero. You know, kind of like you. Wonder if all you hero types hide deep dark secrets like this."

The words were barely out of her mouth when the huge ship in the distance roared to life and began to lift off into the atmosphere.

Shading her eyes from the glare of the sun and thrusters, Jane frowned.

"Guess we're back to one objective now."

She received no answer as everyone around her was staring at the object directly in front of them. Stepping towards it she scrunched up her nose and bent towards it.

"Prothean huh, my dad told me a story about them once, said he had heard it from an Asari. About how they were all wiped out, I wonder what this is, why does the Alliance," the artifact hummed to life, drowning out the rest of her words. Jane felt as if she was being drawn towards it, her head fuzzy and weightless, she felt as if she was in the early stages of a dream, when she heard her name, and felt firm hands on her shoulders. But it was too late, now both she and Kaidan were stuck in its beam and Ashley watched helpless as the commander and Lieutenant we're drawn up towards it, weightless, seemingly suspended, until the humming became so high pitched that Ashley had to cover her ears, the humming became a piercing crack and then an explosion of Prothian fragments raining down upon her. When the air had cleared, both Jane and Kaidan lay motionless. Not knowing what else to do, she radioed their ship, and prayed they would be in time.

oOo

Jane sat up, her head was pounding, the dreams she had, no they were nightmares, they couldn't possibly mean anything, at least she couldn't make them out, but there was a lot of death, destruction, and Saren had been after it, but so had the Alliance, did they know what it was? No it wasn't possible; no one knew anything about them. She looked to her left to find Kaidan staring at her. She quickly redirected her eyes squarely at her feet. "Don't look at me that way. You know, like you're all disappointed and shit, I wish you'd just yell you know it's not good to bottle it up. Besides, I'm not used to the stare of guilt."

"Forget that you shouldn't have gone near it, I just want to know if you've had, dreams."

She shrugged, "Fucking nightmares are more like it."

He nodded and then shot her a look that said 'be quiet', as the door opened and Captain Anderson, as well as the ship's Doctor walked through the door.

Anderson directed most of his questions to his XO, Jane for once did as Kaidan had asked and kept her mouth shut, only breathing a sigh of relief and a line of swears once Anderson had asked to be left alone with his XO. She had gratefully made her way towards the bridge to see Joker, maybe share a few jokes, but she never made it. Ashley cut her off half way there.

"I don't know who you are, or what you think you were doing out there, Lieutenant, but you put not only yourself, but the Commander in danger, not to mention the entire mission. The artifact was destroyed thanks to you."

"Listen, little girl, I don't have time for your bullshit, and I don't have to explain anything to you." She leaned towards Ashley, intent on telling her where to go, how to get there, and maybe giving her a shove in the right direction. But the sound of boots stopping behind her, and a cleared throat caused her to throw her hands up in the air.

"Goddamn it, you sodding military brats."

Ashley opened her mouth, but Kaidan shook his head. "Chief, could you head up and see Joker, we're headed to the Citadel, and I want to make sure he's not too excited. Thank you, Williams that will be all."

She shut her mouth quickly, though she still looked like she wanted to give Jane a piece of her mind, but thought better of it, saluted and left.

Leaning against the wall and crossing her arms, Jane shook her head, shit she sounded just like her old man.

"Shepard, we're going to need to talk. I have some things to do once we get to the citadel, but after that. You're all getting some leave; think we could meet up later?" Before she could answer, he held up a hand, his other going to his temples.

"Headache huh, yeah I had one when I woke up too, goddamn thing hurt like hell. You'll be alright soon though."

He smiled weakly and nodded, leaving her alone in the hall, before she had given her answer.

The ship's doctor stepped up next to her; she was damn quiet for someone who was just a doctor.

"Kaidan Alenko, the Hero of Elysium, he's also quite a talented biotic."

Jane nodded, "yeah I noticed."

"But what you didn't see, is his flawed implant, it gives him migraines and blurred vision, though you'll never hear him complain." The doctor looked at her with a look she has seen her father give her before, when she knew she had been caught, and the yelling was about to begin.

"He's a good man, Shepard, don't hurt him. I've never seen him like this with anyone, he feels comfortable around you."

"The hell you say, he doesn't act comfortable at all."

"Yes, well the way he dismissed Williams is normally how he is with everyone in his command."

Jane stared down the hall and wondered if he would have liked Jessie Massani, you know, who she really was, not this girl playing Military as Jane. Though now that she thought of it, she wasn't trying very hard to be Jane Shepard, "Yes well I'm a goddamned horrible soldier. Maybe he," but she was talking to air, the doctor had practically disappeared literally from right beside her. "Damn, well played doc, well played."

oOo

The Citadel, she had only ever seen it from the outside. Her dad had never let her go in with him. And that was saying something, considering he let her damn near live on Omega. So the fact that he thought the Citadel was more dangerous for her than Omega had her worried.

As soon as Kaidan and Captain Anderson had left for the Citadel, Jane quickly made her way to one of the less reputable clubs. She found a corner booth and taking her seat, began watching the various occupants. Wondering who worked for whom, hoping she would see someone she knew, someone she could ask about her father, though she wasn't sure she would trust any of them. She didn't care though, she needed to know, and she would kill anyone who got in her way.

Thane wasn't hunting that night; he had come to the Citadel, looking for information about a mark. Nothing more, and Jessie Massani was the last person in the galaxy he had expected to walk through the door.

"Moss green eyes, shocked and then sad, she looked to the man at her left. "How could you Greggs?" Her red hair pooling and darkening like blood in the shadows, I refocus my scope, take three shots, she turns, expecting someone else, her eyes widen slightly as they are drawn to mine."

Jane heard the voice behind her, she turned and once again her eyes were drawn to his.

Thane smirked as she once again didn't ask him about the memory. He sat without asking, taking the glint in her eyes as an invite. He hadn't felt this draw to anyone in a long time. He had never thought to see her again. Though the few memories he had of her had replayed many times.

"Hello, Jessie, or do you prefer Jane Shepard now?"

"Goddamn it, Thane, I'm not sure if I'm happy to see you, or if I want to kill you. It's very mixed right now."

He smiled again and folded his hands before him. "Yes well, business is business, you know that."

"How do you know about me?"

"There are people that keep close tabs on you. You have a price on your head, you know that? I think not, if you did, you wouldn't be here."

"I don't give a rat's ass if Vido has a price on my head, screw him, I'm going to kill him, but first, I need to know if you've heard anything about my dad."

Thane made a low hum in his throat. "It's not only Vido looking for you. As far as Zaeed, no, I don't know, most seem to think he's dead, but there is no proof."

She cussed, slamming her hand against the table, causing Thane to shake his head.

"I see the military hasn't changed you at all."

"No thanks to you. I blame you for this by the way." She leaned towards him, he could smell the soft powder scent of her skin, his hand itched to reach out and brush back the strands of red hair that had come loose from her pony tail. He restrained himself, he had no time for this, he was on a job, he had to leave the citadel tonight, he was never supposed to see her again, yet, here she was. It had to mean something, the simple fact that she made him feel like this, had to mean something.

But as his hand moved, a man stepped up next to the table.

"Shepard, I'm not sure this is such a great place to be hanging out, you had me worried."

Thane realized the man hadn't seen him yet, his eyes were on Jessie, though he called her Shepard, and wore the Alliance uniform, ah yes he recognized him, Commander Alenko. And if Thane's guess was right, he was starting to have feelings for Jessie. Thane was actually annoyed at this realization, but pushed the feelings down and away. He had business to finish, just as it had been before, but this time, he knew he'd see her again.

He stood, and Kaidan finally turned towards the Drell, "I remember you, you brought Jane to the Tokyo. Thane inclined his head slightly in acknowledgment, though he was once again annoyed. This time at the Commander using that name for Jessie, "Yes, of course I remember you Commander." He took his attention from Kaidan, barely sparing a second glance and smiled at the one they now called Jane. He settled somewhere in the middle.

"I'm glad to have seen you again, Princess. But I must be going."

"Oh come on, Thane, we just started getting to the good part about the price on my head, don't let the Boy Scout here scare you off, he's not all that bad."

Thane's mouth lifted on the side as he thought perhaps that she didn't return the Commanders feelings.

"No, I must be going, business."

"Christ, you sound like my father. Fine, but I had better damned well see you again."

In the next moment he was gone and Jane was staring up at a very quiet Kaidan.

"Well we had better get going, god forbid I get you tainted by this place. I'm sure that would make Captain Anderson super grumpy."

Kaidan pulled her up short as they exited the club, right before a C-sec officer.

"Shepard, this is Garrus Vakarian, he's helping me track down a Quarian who might have information and proof that Saren is guilty.

Jane's face didn't move as she listened and Kaidan sighed.

"Don't you care about what Saren did? That he's working with the Geth? Don't you care about what the hell happened back at the Prothean artifact?" His voice dropped to a low whisper at the last word and she sighed.

"No, not really, that's your thing, why should I care if a Specter was killed? What do I care if he's working with Geth? You give the orders, I take them. Isn't that how this works? I didn't know I was getting paid to care, goddamn it."

The c-sec snorted and she turned a glare at him. "Do we really need the cop?"

"Shepard, if I give the orders and you take them, then do it and stow the attitude and fall in line, we'll talk about this later.

"Fine, Sir, lead away."

oOo

According to Garrus, the Quarian had tried to get the information she had to the shadow broker. But she was so scared she, wanted to only deal with the shadow broker in person. Jane snorted, "Not damn likely, no one even knows who the shadow broker is. Who told you this anyways?"

"A Krogan bounty hunter by the name of Wrex, says he's here hunting a former agent of the shadow broker who is now working for Saren apparently."

"Perfect, I love Krogan bounty hunters."

Garrus had thought she was joking, but one look at her face said she was serious. He eyed her before finally asking. "Do I want to know why?"

Kaidan tossed her the look that she was beginning to recognize as the shut up look, so she shrugged and kept her mouth shut.

They found Wrex at the c-sec academy, he was arguing with another officer who looked ready to turn in his badge after having to deal with the Krogan.

"He's all yours, Vakarian, though I would prefer him off the Citadel sooner rather than later.

Garrus nodded and Wrex turned towards Jane. "Do I know you?"

"Could be, but right now we need to know, if you know where to find your former shadow broker agent."

"Sure do, but we had better hurry if you're looking for that Quarian, I saw her running for her life before I was brought in."

Kaidan motioned for him to lead the way and they set off towards Chora's Den.

Jane was in her element, she felt like she was helping her dad track down a mark. Kaidan noticed right away, how she seemed to respond to Wrex and their fighting style complemented each others. Wrex also noticed, and when they reached the back room he took a closer look at her custom assault rifle.

"I'll be damned, you're Zaeed Massani's kid, Jessie or do you prefer Princess?"

Kaidan noticed that this time when she was called princess she smiled and elbowed the Krogan.

"Yeah, it's just Shepard now."

"Yeah, heard your old man is dead, didn't think that was possible. Figured he'd be too damned stubborn to ever actually die," the Krogan almost looked sorry, if that was even possible.

Jane frowned and Kaidan realized how much she must have actually been through in the last year.

"Yeah, I thought so too."

They burst through the door, to find the Fist making for the back exit.

"Not so fast there, Fist my boy, why don't you stay?"

He must have heard the guns training on him, because he slowly turned and sighed.

"Hey, Wrex how's things?"

"Nice try, where's the Quarian?"

"You're too late; she's meeting the Shadow Broker right now."

"Bullshit, you and I both know, no one meets the Shadow Broker."

"Yeah you and I know that, but she doesn't."

"Where is she? Where did you send her?"

Fist went silent and Jane, without a second thought pulled her trigger shooting him in the knee. "The nice Krogan asked you a goddamned question, where is the Quarian?"

Fist screamed like a girl and crawled to the wall, leaning against it he held out a hand to try and ward off the approaching Jane.

"Fine, fine, God, she's not worth this shit. I sent her to meet him in the back alley from the club, you'd better hurry though."

Jane nodded and turned away from him nodding towards Wrex. "He's all yours."

Kaidan finally blinked out of his shock and stepped forward, "You're not going to kill him are you?"

Jane looked up at him as she moved past him towards the door. "Yeah, he's going to kill him, he has a contract, with the shadow broker no less, that's not something you just break. Though there is a cop here, Wrex."

She glanced over at Vakarian but he just shrugged, "I'd say he deserves it, do it." He turned his back and made to follow Jane to the door, but she didn't move right away, giving him a surprised stare.

"What the hell kind of cop are you?"

"I don't know what the hell kind of Alliance Marine are you?"

Jane laughed so hard she had a coughing fit. "Fair enough, Vakarian. Commander Alenko, let's move shall we?"

Kaidan turned and as they exited the door he heard the shot, and Wrex caught up with them.

"Your contract is done, Wrex, shouldn't you be going?"

"Hell I want to see this, besides, I owe Zaeed a favor, can't see any better way to pay it back then to help out his daughter, especially now that he's dead and all."

Kaidan saw her swallow hard, but she fought the emotion well. This girl was so much more than anyone could see, and he wanted to see it.

The Quarian as luck would have it, wasn't dead. Well not yet, and when they cleared out the men that had her, she quickly told them her entire story. Kaidan had her in tow back towards the Citadel as quickly as he could, the rest of them falling in line behind.

When they reached the elevator that would take him to the council, Jane stayed back, leaning next to it, Wrex standing to her side.

"Aren't you coming?" Kaidan paused, giving her a once over.

"Nah, I think I'm better down here, you know how my mouth doesn't go over very well with, you know, people in power."

He nodded and entered the elevator, before popping his head back out, "Hey, how about you stick around here this time, I don't want to go scouring the Citadel for you, and we still need to talk."

Jane groaned as the elevator door closed and Wrex chuckled. "Sounds like someone is going to get their ass chewed. Guess you shouldn't have shot the guy in the knee."

"Eh, we didn't have enough time to be diplomatic about it, besides he was annoying me."

"Damn girl, you really are your father's daughter."

She smiled then, because it wasn't at all true, yet at the same time, such an absolute fact.

oOo

Jane was getting restless as the time passed, but when Kaidan finally emerged with Garrus and the Quarian in tow, she went absolutely still. He was pale and looked like he was going to be sick.

"You okay Alenko?"

"The Council believed Tali'Zorah," he motioned towards the Quarian. "They've made me a specter, and sent me after Saren."

"Right, isn't that what you wanted? So why do you look like you want to be sick."

Kaidan frowned and motioned for them to follow him. "The Alliance ambassador has also seen fit to make me Commander of the Normandy; Captain Anderson has been removed, stationed here at the Citadel now."

Jane froze in her steps, causing Wrex to slam into her, almost sending her to her knees.

"They did what? Oh shit, I bet that didn't go over well."

"No, Anderson took it well, I'm the one that isn't doing so hot."

He didn't say another word, just headed towards the Normandy, once inside he disappeared and she didn't hear from him again until he addressed the entire ship. She smiled at his firm tone and the way he rallied the ship to him, she had no doubt they would follow him, just as they had Anderson.

She finally changed and had a shower, and had just fallen asleep when the nightmares started; she sat up in a cold sweat, what the hell? Was she ever going to be able to sleep again?

She just needed a walk, maybe Joker was still up, he'd be good to have a cup of coffee with, maybe a few laughs, anything to get that dream out of her mind.

She left her room and ran almost headfirst into Kaidan.

"Hey, Shepard, I wasn't sure you'd be awake."

"Yeah, I wasn't until the damn nightmares woke me up."

He nodded slowly, "Yeah, that's what I came here to talk to you about. I wanted to know if you could make any sense of them."

"No, it's all just a lot of destruction and death, I don't know, it's really jumbled."

"Yeah, well something Saren said in the message Tali had, I think we should check it out, we're headed to find an Asari, the daughter of someone who seems to be helping Saren, maybe she'll know."

"Sure, whatever you think." She made to walk around him, but his arm stopped her.

"Shepard, I need you to let me in, I want to help, I want you to care about this."

"Listen, Alenko, I only joined the Alliance to keep my ass out of jail, I'm not who you want me to be, I'm never going to be Ashley Williams. I'm the rotten daughter of the founder of the goddamn Blue Suns; it's just how it is."

Kaidan stepped closer to her his lips lowering to hers, she didn't pull back so he kissed her, softly at first, and then more demanding as she responded in kind. By the time he broke the kiss, they were both breathless.

"I want to know you, all of you, and I want to help you find your dad, or whatever happened to him at least."

Her eyes instantly filled with suspicion and he smiled, "Get that look off your face, it's not like I'm asking you to marry me or anything."

She released a breath, "I'm not that kind of girl, I'm not sure I even know what a normal relationship is, you didn't know my dad, we didn't really go over that sort of thing, and I dated Mercenaries and bounty hunters my entire life, honestly I'm better off dating Wrex. Not a Boy Scout."

He laughed again and shook his head, "I'm not really a Boy Scout you know, beyond that, let's take it one day at a time, I don't want you to run on me, so I'm willing to go slow." He kissed her again and she smiled as she pulled away from him.

"You make a damn good argument, Alenko."

"I think you can call me Kaidan now."

"Hell no, I haven't shown you my tattoo yet."

He smirked and turned her around, lifting her t-shirt and trailed his fingertips over her spine, before dropping a kiss to the middle of her back.

"There, I've seen it, I accept it and what it means, satisfied?"

"Not even goddamn remotely." She kissed him as they backed into her room, and the door slid closed behind them.


	3. And Miles To Go

The door slid closed and Kaidan's lips left hers and trailed down her throat, every part of his brain was screaming at him to stop. Telling him this wasn't how things were done, that this wasn't him. Not only that but, hadn't she just said she'd never had a real relationship? If he let this continue, this time would be no different. How odd the situation was, he wasn't sure what she was doing, was this her way of trying to escape just that? Did he really know her at all? They had barely spoken, yet he wanted her, but he didn't want just this. If he could only get his body to agree with the thoughts racing through his mind. Joker's voice in the room caused his body to fast forward to where his brain was, and he froze.

"Commander, there is a transmission it's choppy and I'm having a devil of a time cleaning it up. If you could pull yourself away from whatever it is you're doing, that would be great. I think you need to hear this, from what I've been able to get from it anyways. They're asking for Captain Anderson, since he's not here," Kaidan cleared his throat cutting Joker off, trying not to see the narrowing of Jane's eyes as it seemed her mind was also clicking into place.

"Of course, Joker, I'll be right up."

The intercom went dead as he stared down into Jane's eyes; they were emotionless now, if not a bit pensive.

"Jane, we'll talk about this later."

She was already moving away from him, removing herself from where he had pressed her against the closed-door. The door opened, and he paused before moving through it.

"Don't, Jane," she shook her head and he didn't say anymore, not sure what he could say.

"Don't worry about it, Commander." He exited the room, she looked away from him, her mouth set into a grim line and he sighed, the door sliding shut in his face.

oOo

Kaidan entered the bridge, his mind was a jumble, Jane hadn't yelled, she hadn't cussed at him. That had to be bad. She had seemed thoughtful, and scared. He frowned, had he ever seen her scared before?

"Commander, glad you could make it." Joker lifted an eyebrow and gave him a look that told him he knew. But he ignored it and instead motioned towards the vid screen.

"Well, Joker, what's this message that was for Anderson? Should it be sent to him at the Citadel?"

"I don't think so, Commander. The message is directed to the Alliance and this ship, just the Asari sending it doesn't seem to know that the Captain isn't in command of it anymore."

Kaidan frowned again, thought etching lines on his brow. "An Asari is asking for Captain Anderson, that can't be," the last words were barely a whisper as his thoughts raced.

"Put her through, Joker."

The vid screen sputtered and through the static a single Asari began to speak.

"Captain Anderson?"

"No, this is Commander Alenko of the SSV Normandy."

The Asari went quiet, seemingly processing that and she shook her head.

"He sent you then?"

"No, I came here looking for Liara T'soni, daughter of Matriarch Benezia. I thought she might have information about the whereabouts of her mother."

She frowned again and sighed, "I am Liara T'soni, and of course I have information about the whereabouts of my mother. The Alliance has looked for her for quite some time. That's the problem; I think I got too close, Saren has sent mercs after me. I'm trapped down here."

Kaidan was confused, and it must have shown on his face because Liara quickly shook her head. "I don't have time to explain this to you, they are getting close and I need," but she didn't have time to finish, there was a bright flash and the vid feed went dead.

Kaidan didn't think twice, he opened the intercom and shouted, "Shepard, Wrex, get to the Mako in five, weapons and ammo only, _move."_

"Get us in there, Joker."

"Aye, Commander."

oOo

Kaidan was at the Mako in three and he was pleased to see Wrex and Jane already there.

Jane was smiling at wrex as she pulled on the last of her armor. But as soon as she saw him, her eyes went flat and she nodded.

"Commander, what the hell is going on?"

"I'm not sure yet, we need to get down there and get the Asari I was talking about, it seems she knows way more than we thought, I think she works for the Alliance, or at least knows Captain Anderson."

Jane almost laughed, "You look surprised, like the goddamn Alliance doesn't have secrets." She snorted as she boarded the Mako.

"She said Saren sent mercenaries after her."

She met his look dead on; she didn't look scared anymore she looked almost hopeful. Like the prospect of running into Mercs was the best part of her day.

Kaidan watched her elbow Wrex, giving him a look Kaidan didn't understand until Wrex shrugged and said, "I don't know, Princess, I doubt it though."

She frowned and stared down at her feet and Kaidan caught up. Right, any chance to find out about her dad, he cleared his throat and she looked up at him.

"Jane, I'll help you find your dad, we don't have time for you to be questioning every merc we run into though, and I need your mind one-hundred percent on retrieving the Asari."

"Don't worry about it; I know my goddamn place, Commander." The last word was ice-cold and he felt the need to reach out to her, but with that look on her face he knew he'd pull back a stub, so he pulled back and crossed his arms, continuing to stare at her.

Wrex caught the subtle movement and laughed as Jane hopped out of the Mako as they landed.

"Don't, Alenko, the Princess there isn't your type."

"What does that mean?"

Jane was far enough ahead that Wrex took the opportunity to stop and turn back towards the Commander.

"Listen, Alenko, that girl isn't an Alliance soldier, she's a Blue Suns Mercenary, there are tons of Blue Suns that would give their trigger finger to have her in charge, she was raised by Zaeed Massani, I'm not sure you know what that means. But as soon as she kills Vido for whatever he did to Zaeed, do you really think she's going to hang around?" The Krogan grunted and gave his head a shake. "Like I said, she's not your type. That girl will choose someone who will run the Blue Suns with her, or at least someone who doesn't despise her lifestyle."

Kaidan shook his head, "you don't know that, she's changed."

Wrex let out a loud laugh, drawing Jane's attention back to them, "you keep telling yourself that, Alenko."

"Wrex, what's so damn funny? Commander, I thought you were in a hurry, let's go shall we?"

Kaidan watched as Wrex dropped in next to Jane, and he noticed again how at ease she was with the Krogan Merc. More than notice, he could feel her calm down with Wrex at her side, odd. Maybe Wrex was right, but he had begun to question whether or not he cared.

oOo

"Christ, they are throwing more mercenaries at this one damned Asari than I would have sent after anyone. They must want her dead bad."

Back to back with Wrex, Jane holstered her pistols and switched to her assault rifle, they turned together taking out the three on their flank. Kaidan almost felt left out as he blasted one to the side with his biotics.

"Poorly trained though and not organized." She walked forward nudging the weapon of one of the dead mercs, she crouched to inspect his armor.

"See this," she pointed at what looked like an acid burn on his neck. "He was most likely a former Blue Sun, either captured or tossed out, his tattoo was burned off with Acid, either by himself or one of us."

She froze realizing the slip and sighed, "Well one of Vido's men anyway."

Kaidan looked over her shoulder and down at the acid mark, "Why do you still have your tattoo then, if you burn them off when you're caught?"

He regretted the question as soon as it was out of his mouth, "none of your bloody business, Commander." She stood and moved forward.

Wrex shook his head and chuckled, "See, I told you, you don't understand. Her father was the founder of the Blue Suns."

Kaidan nodded, "yeah I knew that, but what does that have to do with the tattoo?"

"You still don't get it, Alenko. That girl wasn't just another Merc, she was and most likely will be the leader of the Blue Suns someday, that Tattoo isn't just a mark, it's her birthright."

"But she's not really Zaeed's child, her parents were Alliance."

"That doesn't matter, Zaeed raised her and it was what she was raised to do. You're kind of slow for a human Commander, huh?"

Kaidan was about to argue when Jane's voice cut through them, "you two talk more than old women over tea, can we continue or are we going to stand here talking about things that are none of your goddamn business?"

The two males froze at the sound of absolute fury in her voice.

"Yeah, moving on, Princess," Wrex shouldered his weapon and gave Alenko a look that said; 'don't you dare ask her." Alenko nodded and swallowed the question on his lips.

"On me, Wrex, Shepard, I think I saw movement up ahead."

The group went silent and fell in behind him as he moved up a ramp and towards what looked to be some sort of cave. Though it looked like it had been carved from the stone and not natural by any stretch of the imagination.

There at the center of the cave stood the Asari from the vid, cornered by two mercs, he motioned for those behind him to stop. They hadn't seen them yet, and as Jane crouched next to him, he could tell by the shallow intake of breath and the tensing of her shoulders that she recognized at least one of the mercenaries in front of them.

"You're going to play nice and come with us; your mother is very interested in talking to you. She knows, and she would like you to be a part of this."

"No, I will not, my mother is nothing but a pawn, and Saren is nothing but a pawn. Don't you see, they are helping them," just then her eyes flashed up and behind the mercenaries, it was quick but the man didn't miss it and turned his head slightly, catching sight of the soldiers on their six.

He turned, leaving the Krogan merc in front of Liara, his weapon focused on her.

"Well, well, what do we have here?"

Kaidan stood and the others followed as the man approached them. His eyes however, weren't on Kaidan, but Jane.

"Jessie?" He stopped, his face screwed up in confusion.

"Yeah, weird finding you here Spanks." Her eyes scanned his armor, blue suns. He still wore the armor, what was he doing here?

"I could say the same thing, Jessie." He was eyeing the Alliance insignia on her armor and he frowned.

"You're still with the Blue Suns?" It was more of an accusation than a question.

He almost looked ashamed as he dropped his eyes from her for a moment, "you know how it goes, Princess. We're mercenaries." He left if at that, as if it was enough of an explanation.

"My dad trusted you, you had better tell me you didn't have anything to do with what Vido did, or I swear I'll kill you where you stand."

"Not at first, but when the power shifted, I had no choice."

"Don't give me that shit, where is my dad, Spanks?"

Spanks lifted his hand making the shape of a gun and put it to his temple pulling the trigger. "Vido says he shot him. Though, I have heard rumors, though none of us know for sure. Figures he wouldn't stay dead though." Spanks shook his head, "I really wish you wouldn't have shown up here, Vido has an outstanding price on your head, he wants you back, Jessie. Zaeed's little stunt with the Alliance ruined his plans; you're supposed to be dead, or, his. I told him you'd never accept that offer though, and by the look on your face, I'd say I was right.

"I don't give a shit what Vido wants. What the hell are you doing here? Most of these mercs were rejects, or freelancers."

"Vido has an interest to be on the winning side of this war."

"What war?"

Spanks looked like he wanted to laugh, but then just shook his head. "You can ask Vido that after I get the Asari to Saren. So, Jessie, will you join me, help me and then you can have your answers. Maybe even if your dad is still alive, if you're interested in Vido's offer, though if you were to remove Vido," Spanks trailed off giving her a knowing smile and Jane went silent, her back went stiff and her breathing slowed.

"Though, there is the question of your, companions," he motioned to Kaidan and Wrex.

Kaidan blinked hard at the deafening silence that filled the cave. Before he could speak, the Asari cleared her throat.

"Jessie Massani, Jane Shepard, either way, I have the answers you seek, and more than that. I won't kill you after I tell you."

"Would I hurt you, Princess? Don't listen to her, everything will be fine, you'll be where you're meant to be."

In the space of a single breath, Kaidan watched Jane's eyes harden, she had made up her mind, but made it up to what end, all he felt was confusion, what the hell?

He instantly shielded himself as he saw her reach for her rifle, but she didn't turn it on him, instead she instantly fired on Spanks.

"Sorry, Spanks I think you're full of shit, and you know what we do with those full of shit."

Spanks dove to the side after taking the shots to the chest; he gasped and cussed at her, "Just as stubborn as your old man. He couldn't see what was coming, and you have no idea what is coming."

He was sputtering now, blood welling up in his chest, the Krogan on Liara moved to his aid, but in turning his back on the Asari he opened himself up, and she downed him with a powerful biotic blast.

Standing over Spanks, Jane turned her head to the side and kneeled, leaning down low whispering to him, "My dad may have been a lot of things, but he would never turn on his friends."

He laughed as blood bubbled up and turned it into a wet cough. "Yeah, and that's why he was shot in the face, left for dead by his 'friend'. Vido won't stop until he has you, you're fucked, Princess."

She smiled, but Kaidan flinched at the malice in it, as he watched her reach down to Spanks belt and pull out a small vial, she broke it open, turned his head to the side and let the liquid fall on his neck, boiling and sputtering until his blue sun's tattoo was nothing but a bubbling welt.

"No, Spanks, I'm not, but you are." Another shot, and the gurgling stopped, Jane stood and walked back towards Kaidan and Wrex, the Asari falling in with them.

"You look nervous, Commander, something wrong?"

Kaidan didn't know how to answer that, but Wrex stepped up slapping a hand against his back.

"Oh the Commander here thought you were going to shoot him, you should have seen how fast those biotics flared up."

"Then he knows nothing about me."

The reply was directed at Wrex, but her eyes were locked firmly on Kaidan's, they were cold, calm, and he knew they were right, he had thought she'd jump at the chance to go back, even possibly run the Blue Suns and she smirked, catching the thought in his eyes.

"Yeah, I would, I don't belong here. But I wouldn't do it like that, I don't betray people. I'm glad I know you think that about me though, it shows you how right Wrex was. I am not, your type."

She held his eyes a moment longer and Kaidan swore he saw hurt flash through the green depths, but then it was gone, and he wondered if he'd imagined it. She turned and fell in next to Wrex, waiting for his order to move out.

oOo

Back on board the Normandy, the ready room was quiet, Kaidan had brought Ashley and Garrus up to speed on what had happened, well most of it. And they sat in silence now, staring at Liara, who looked so nervous that she almost vibrated.

Kaidan was all military as he stood and crossed his arms over his chest. "I think it's time you told us the whole story, Liara. Starting why you thought I was Captain Anderson, and why you would be working with the Alliance."

Liara fidgeted where she sat, not looking at anyone in particular. "I'm not sure I'm at liberty to tell you."

"I am a Council spectre, tell me." His voice was hard, final. He was upset she could feel it, and Jane tried to hide a smirk. He was already playing the Spectre card, figures.

Sputtering Liara looked torn, but then defeated as she looked up at the angry stance of the Alliance Marine playing Spectre.

"I'm an archeologist; I specialize in Prothean history and artifacts. Years ago I made a discovery that should have changed the way we look at everything we know, but I was silenced, and put to work with the Council and after, the Alliance." She stood and began pacing, speaking with her hands.

"I found proof that the Prothean's didn't just die out, I found that they were wiped out fifty-thousand years ago. And it wasn't the first time, but if there is almost nothing left of the Prothean's there is even less of those that came before. The technology we always thought of as Prothean is not in fact, Prothean, but something much older, something we can't even begin to understand. But that is exactly what the Alliance and Council wanted. They wanted to understand it, wanted to know what this cycle of extinction was." She sighed running a hand over her forehead.

"They started trying to recreate the technology, but it had an unexpected consequence. Saren was their first experiment, trying to meld him with, them."

The way she said 'them' caused cold fear to take hold of Jane's heart, she glanced at Kaidan and knew he felt it as well. Their dreams, it wasn't Geth at all, it was, 'Them' she could feel it.

Kaidan voiced it first, "Them?"

"We took to calling them Reapers, the ones that came before. We didn't know that at first of course, the experiment with Saren caused them to find us, to awaken, they found Saren, and he became uncontrollable. The experiments were ordered stopped, but, they didn't stop. The black ops group that had been in charge of the operation broke away from the Alliance, and Saren went rogue. My mother tried to stop him, after I told her what he was doing. He's helping them; he wants to bring them here, to wipe us out. He believes that we can be like them."

"What are they, these Reapers?"

"You can call them machines if you like, but they are so much more than that, and old, older than we ever imagined anything could be."

"Why wouldn't the Council or the Alliance tell us about this? Why would they have sent me out here blind?"

"I can't answer that, Commander. But I know about you, and you." Her eyes turned on Jane and lingered long enough that Jane felt raw fear building in her chest at the look.

"Why the hell are you looking at me like that?"

"You don't know then."

"Know what?"

"Saren killed your parents, trying to get to you. Your parents were scientists with the Alliance, working with the black ops group that did that to Saren. They didn't defect with them."

Narrowing her eyes on Liara she was satisfied when the Asari took a step back.

"Why would he be trying to get to me?"

"You were the first human experiment, or at least you were going to be."

"What the hell do you mean? I was, or I was going to be? Which one is it?"

Liara stuttered at the tone and pulled back into herself, afraid of the glowering woman in front of her, that looked ready to pounce.

"You were too young, they had started, but they didn't have time, the experiments were called off, like I said, your parents didn't go with the group that broke away. I don't know why he wanted you, but we can assume."

Before Jane could launch into a new verbal attack on Liara, Kaidan interjected.

"Enough! Let's get right to it. Where is Saren now?"

Rubbing her hands together, Liara began pacing again.

"I know where his base is, I don't know if he's still there or not, but I do know what he's looking for, he's looking for a way to bring them all here, all of them. We could already be too late."

"No, I won't accept that answer, we will find him, we have to."

Liara nodded at the look on Kaidan's face. "I know what you're seeing, my last report from Captain Anderson informed me that a Prothean beacon had imprinted on you, and you." She glanced to Jane but looked away just as quickly.

"In my attempts to track my mother, my team and I went to Feros, we found something that I can't even start to explain, I was given a key to understanding some of the beacons I've found, though I could never unlock them, and nothing as complete as what Anderson says is going on with you. I can't believe it imprinted on you, I've spent my life piecing together dusty bits from ruins." She sighed, seemingly disappointed and then stared up at Kaidan again, "Will you let me try something? Let me see if I can give you the key to deciphering the images?"

Kaidan frowned but nodded as Liara stepped next to him, and Jane recognized the joining as Liara laid her hands on him.

In a heartbeat it was over, and Liara snapped back from Kaidan as if she had been burned.

"Goddess, I had no idea, it's so jumbled, but, the pain and death, is everywhere. You see it now of course." Kaidan looked towards Jane, and knew she had seen just what he had, and it was worse than they ever could have imagined.

Looking slowly from Kaidan to Jane she frowned. "After what I saw down there, the two of you might not want to hear this, but what you share, what happened at the beacon connected you in a way that I have only seen the Joining do. I could sense Jane's feelings as I joined with you."

Kaidan look at Jane who shook her head and shrugged.

"You know you feel it, it's like a string tied between you."

Jane narrowed her eyes at Liara.

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know, it is, unique."

"That's just goddamn great." Shaking her head Jane sat down and closed her eyes.

Kaidan could feel the anger radiating off her in waves. No it was deeper than that, why had he not noticed it before? If he had, he could have saved that embarrassing scene with the mercenaries, damn. Well there was nothing he could do about it now, except move forward.

"Alright, Liara, you're taking us to Saren's base. Where are we headed?

"Virmire," Kaidan nodded, not letting her say anymore and he turned and left the room headed towards the bridge. His head was killing him and he needed rest before this got any worse.

oOo

After making sure Joker had the heading, Kaidan was making his way towards his quarters when he could literally feel frustration and pain radiating from Jane's room. That was a weird feeling, one he wasn't sure he'd be able to get used to. Making a sharp left turn he stopped in front of her door, but before he could buzz the door slid open.

"Christ, why don't you just scream that you're worried about me."

He stood frozen in the door; Jane stared back at him before moving to the side. "Are you going to come in or are you just going to stand there?"

He entered and saw the destruction; it looked like a Krogan charge had plowed right through her room. He glanced down at where she was holding her hand and frowned, "That's what I felt."

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." She shook the hand, hoping none of the fingers were broken; the metal of the ship's wall wasn't that forgiving though.

Kaidan grabbed her hand and inspected the fingers, "they're broken you know, you might want to have the Doc look at them."

Shrugging Jane pulled her hand away from him. "Like I said, don't worry about it."

"I do worry, Jane, I," he was going to say, he cared about her but she felt it as well as saw it on his face without him saying it and she laughed.

"No, more like you don't trust me, you made that obvious."

"How could I know? You've shown me nothing that says you want to be here, that you want this life. What was I supposed to think, you said it yourself, you would go back."

"You're right, I never wanted 'this' life, I want to know where my dad is, if he's alive, I want to kill Vido, sure all those things." She paused, a battle raged behind her eyes before she started again.

"But goddamn it, Kaidan, I'm here, I realize how serious this situation is, even more so now. I'm not stupid, I will not let my revenge get in the way of what is important."

He wanted her to mean him in that statement, as well as the situation they currently found themselves in, but he knew, no, he felt that she didn't mean it that way.

"Don't look at me that way, Alenko. I saw it in your eyes when you were kissing me, you don't want me, not the way I wanted you."

The past tense of the word caught him off guard.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Goddamn it, leave it alone, we have a job to do. Just as you think I wouldn't give up my dad or the Blue Suns for you, I don't think you'd give up the Alliance for me. See, that look on your face even as I said it tells me the truth of it. Leave it alone, Commander." She could feel the pain of one of his migraines, it sank into her like a knife and she sighed.

"Go lay down or your head is going to explode, go get out of here."

Before he knew what was happening she had him in the hall and the door was closed, and he was alone, well not so much alone, he could feel anger, pain and yes sadness. The sadness was the strongest because it was a shared emotion and the power of it made him dizzy. This was going to be complicated. How could he stand to be around her, hell anywhere in the galaxy, where all he had to do was focus on her and he could feel every emotion?

The repercussions of this he couldn't even begin to fathom, and his problems had only just begun.

oOo

The Geth were on Virmire. They had landed and found a group of Salarian spec-ops, who had informed them that they had tracked Saren to this point, but what they had found was not what they had expected, Saren had begun breeding Krogan. This of course set Wrex off; he was spouting something about needing Saren to figure out how he had figured out the cure to the Genophage.

It only got worse when the Salarians told them they were going to bomb the base, ending this part of Saren's plan to build his own Krogan army.

Wrex erupted; almost killing Jane in his push to get to the Salarian general. Jane, to Kaidan's surprise didn't kill Wrex, she was able to talk him down, he wasn't sure how, but everything was quiet as they moved out in a support role to the Salarian squad.

"How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Get Wrex to back off. I thought for sure he was going to kill you, but you were perfectly calm."

She shrugged, "I know Krogan, those aren't his people, they are tools, and they aren't real. They aren't the answer. Wrex understood." She moved past him, crouching behind an outcropping of rocks. "Krogan are really not so different from us you know. They want to protect their own; their choice at a normal life was taken from them. I understand that, better than most. Most of the galaxy, Alenko no matter Alien or human wants the same thing."

"And what's that?"

"A normal life," she said it without looking at him, but he could feel the deep want in her.

"What is a normal life?" He moved ahead of her and motioned for her to move up, Wrex followed behind them, watching their rear.

"I wouldn't know."

He nodded and left it at that.

"Do you think it was wise to send Ashley with the Salarians? I mean," Kaidan nodded.

"Yeah, it was her or Garrus, I want Garrus getting that bomb ready, I doubt she has the qualifications that Garrus does with big explosives, you've seen him calibrating the Mako, he loves that stuff."

"You know that's not what I mean, she has issues with Aliens don't you think she's uncomfortable?"

He sighed, "Yeah, I knew what you meant, but Ashley is Military, she'll do as she is told." Unlike other people, he added to himself, but Jane must have caught something and frowned.

"I heard that."

"You couldn't have, I didn't say anything."

"Yeah, well you might as well have."

oOo

At the bomb site Garrus was just finishing arming the warhead when Kaidan, Jane and Wrex entered.

"We good to go, Garrus?"

"Roger that, Commander, she'll blow this place sky-high, I just hope we're out of here before that happens."

"I hear you, Garrus, take the Normandy and head up, wait for my signal, you'll pick up the Salarians and then meet the rest of us at the pickup zone. Got it?"

"Aye, Commander. See you on the other side, hey by the way, don't hit the big red button until we're ready to do this, got it?"

Kaidan nodded and Garrus jumped back on board, the bay door closing behind him.

The Normandy took off just as a wave of geth swarmed into the bomb site, and everything went wrong all at once.

"Commander," Joker sounded panicked. "Commander there is an AA gun that is still firing on us, Ashley and the Salarians are under serious fire, if they can't get that gun down, we're never going to get out of here.

"Right, I hear you Joker."

They cleared out the rest of the geth at the bomb site and Kaidan looked from Wrex to Jane.

"Alright, Wrex on me, Jane keep this clear until I give the word to get to the evacuation zone. Remember, no red button until I give the word."

"Right, got it, get moving."

He nodded and Wrex and he bolted for the opposite end of the facility. As they moved and cleared, the found what must have been Sarens headquarters. And what looked like another Prothean beacon.

Kaidan moved to approach it but Wrex stuck out a hand stopping him.

"Hey, uh, Alenko, I don't think you want to go near that thing, remember what you said happened the last time?"

But it was too late; Kaidan was grabbed and arched towards it, his brain exploded in color before he found himself on the ground.

He could feel Jane screaming, he could hear her screaming over her transmitter, she had been hit as well just like last time.

Unlike the last time though, the beacon went dead and did not explode.

Pulling himself off the ground Kaidan shook his head, "Wow, I didn't think it could be worse than last time. Come on, we had better get moving."

But before he could take another step, a hologram of the ship he had seen on Eden Prime flickered to life.

Problem was, the ship was talking.

"The ship is a Reaper, Kaidan!"

It was Jane, she was yelling at him through his communicator, he didn't even pause to wonder how she knew what was going on, before the ship began telling him, who he was. He had expected Saren, but seemed almost amused, if that was possible, that Kaidan called him a Reaper.

"Saren calls me Sovereign, a pitiful attempt to put a name to something you can never even begin to understand."

"I don't have time for this, I'll stop you, and you have no power of us."

"Not yet, and there is nothing you can do to stop this, it is the way of things. We bring order to your chaos."

"Bullshit, I'm not going to listen to this."

As he moved away, the ship made a noise that sent him to his knees and shattered the glass in the room.

As he stood and Wrex began to move towards the door, Ashley came over his com, "Commander, we've got the AA gun down, but we're being overrun."

"Hold on, Williams."

But as he said it he felt pain, panic and then an odd sense of calm.

"Shepard, what the hell was that?"

"Nothing, go get Ashley, I've got this. Just make it fast, get going."

He didn't move, he knew that feeling, it was acceptance. But acceptance of what he didn't know.

"Jane, what is going on?" He heard the gunfire, and felt the adrenalin. "Saren must have sent them this way; they're trying to get through to disarm the bomb. I'll take care of it, go get Ashley and get the hell out of here."

The com was silent and then Ashley responded first, "No, we've got this, go make sure that bomb goes off, Commander."

Kaidan was frozen, he couldn't move, he knew that he couldn't get to both, there wasn't time. If he went for Ashley, Jane would have to hit that button or risk being over taken and the bomb disarmed.

"Shit."

Wrex followed Kaidan from the room as they sprinted back the way they had come.

Kaidan had barely even thought twice, he didn't have time to feel bad, he'd have to leave that for later.

"Goddamn it, Alenko. I told you to get Ashley and get the hell out of here."

Three Geth were pressing on her, Jane was back up against the bomb. He fired his biotics in a wave and they flew back from her.

"I know what you said, but I don't take orders from you. Joker, get the hell down to the bomb site."

He and Jane stood together fighting the Geth, their movements spoke to their connection, and it was as if they knew where the other would fire before they even knew themselves. They heard the Normandy hover over them, and Kaidan grabbed Jane, just as he did, she hit the arming button on the bomb, and they jumped with Wrex, on board the Normandy.

Jane wouldn't look at him, she sat in the ready room, well she was there, but she was not happy. He couldn't imagine why, he couldn't fathom her sacrificing herself for anyone, especially Ashley Williams. He immediately felt bad as the thought left him and Jane's eyes snapped to his narrowing in a glare.

"You were saying, Commander? You found another beacon?"

He turned his eyes from Jane and back to Liara. "Yes, but it was more of the same, a jumbled mess."

Jane released a breath and nodded.

"But it wasn't only that, I spoke to the ship. It's a goddamn Reaper." He shut his mouth on the word, his face turning slightly red and Jane had to fight the urge to laugh.

"Yes, well, do you mind? Perhaps I can make sense of it."

Kaidan shrugged and Liara took his face in her hands again.

She snapped back again as if she had been hit, her eyes clearing she mumbled something and rubbed her forehead.

"Ilos, he's going to Ilos, that's not good."

Before Kaidan could ask why, Jokers voice came over the com, he sounded annoyed. "Commander, Ambassador Udina wants to talk to you, he sounds pissed."

"Fine, I'll take it in my quarters, you're all dismissed."

Kaidan was not in his best form as he addressed the Ambassador, too many emotions, not only his own were coursing through him.

"Yes, Ambassador, what can I do for you?"

"You can start by telling me why you didn't contact us when you found the Asari, you can also add on why in God's name you would think it wise to go to Virmire without telling anyone."

"Sir, I'm not sure I'm the one that needs to be answering questions at this point, I think there are things you need to answer."

The Ambassadors mouth snapped closed at that. "That sounds a lot like insubordination, Commander."

"I'm sorry, Sir, I don't mean it as such. I just think I wasn't given the entire situation up front."

"It's a need to know basis, Commander. Now, get that Asari and the Normandy back to the Citadel, _now!"_

The vid went dead and Kaidan swallowed hard. Trying to keep from slamming his fist into something, he caught himself and frowned, willing himself to be calm, even though he felt anything but.

oOo

"I can't believe you actually listened to them and came back here. You know they're going to throw a fit." Jane was eyeing the Citadel through the window. Kaidan stopped beside her and nodded.

"Yes well, we need them."

"When the hell are you going to realize that sometimes you can't do what they tell you to, and we don't need them, what we need is to find and stop Saren, before he brings more of those ships, reapers, whatever, here and then we're really screwed, you saw the size of it, think what a fleet of those could do."

"This is how things are done, Jane."

"Goddamn it, you still don't get it."

He reached out a hand towards her shoulder to calm her, but she took a step back from him.

"Don't."

He took his eyes from her and lowered his hand, watching Joker dock them with the Citadel.

"Can I ask you something, why, why did you want me to leave you?"

Jane shook her head. "No, you can't ask me that, and get the hell out of my head."

She stormed away and he sighed, pulling his uniform straight and making his way into the Citadel, ready for yet another scolding.

oOo

"What the hell were you thinking, Commander Alenko? You should have told us, you should have informed the council, you have no idea what you've done."

Kaidan listened to Udina rant, waiting. Captain Anderson was also there, but he was quiet, almost thoughtful. As Udina came to a pause, Kaidan cleared his throat.

"Sir, I did what I thought best, with the information at hand." His eyes darted to Anderson, "Why didn't you tell us, Sir? You sent us out there blind. You knew what we were up against, you knew Saren had gone rogue, hell you have secrets that you're keeping from the entire Galaxy, well the Alliance and the Council are."

Anderson nodded, "Yes, Commander there are always secrets, I am sorry to have kept them from you, but we needed Liara kept from Saren, we thought with her he would, well it's not important, he's done what we feared without her."

"Yes, Sir, that might be true, but let us stop him, let us end," Udina threw up his hands at that, cutting Kaidan off.

"Absolutely not, that is out of the question, the Alliance and Council will take it from here, thank you. We don't need you starting a war, or putting the entire Galaxy into a panic if one of your," His eyes narrowed. "Companions should go spouting off about what you know. You're all sworn to secrecy, and on top of that, the Normandy is grounded, we thank you for what you have done, but it's over. Take some shore leave; the council will let you know when you're needed."

Udina turned and left the room, leaving Anderson and Kaidan alone.

"Sir, there are so many questions, why would the Alliance do this? Why not tell, Jane? Why not let her know what is going on, beyond that," Anderson shook his head and laid a hand on Kaidan's shoulder.

"Alenko, there are so many questions that I just don't have answers for, most of it is highly classified, the experiments, it's just not something I can talk about openly." He glanced behind him and then turned back to Kaidan.

"Take your team, and get some rest. I'll talk with you shortly."

Kaidan looked like he wanted to argue, but his training kicked in and he saluted. "Aye, Sir."

oOo

It didn't take Kaidan long to find Jane, she was in flux, drinking. At least it was a classier joint than the last one he had found her in, and thankfully, lacking in assassins. He took a seat next to her and began to speak, but she shook her head and pointed at the drink.

"No talking, drink."

He shrugged a shoulder and took the drink offered him and they said volumes without saying a word, just sitting and drinking in silence.

By the time Anderson found them they were drunk enough, that Kaidan actually laughed at seeing the Captain in civilian clothes.

"Is that a regulation t-shirt, Sir?"

The Captain quirked a brow but didn't respond to the question. "When I said get some rest, I didn't mean get so drunk that you forget yourself, Commander. Though, with what I'm about to do, I could use a drink too."

Kaidan stared at him, "What are you about to do?"

"I'm about to get you the hell off the Citadel."

"What about the Ambassador?"

"I'll take care of him, now get back to the Normandy, and I hope to hell that Joker hasn't followed the two of you in this little drinking escapade."

Jane and Kaidan didn't move until the Captain almost snapped, "That was an order, get back to the Normandy, and as soon as the systems are unlocked, get the hell out of here, and stop whatever is about to happen from happening."

Jane was the first to move, not as drunk as Kaidan or Anderson had thought her to be. "Alright, let's do this, glad to see someone around her has some goddamn sense."

Gathering everyone back on board the Normandy, Joker was thankfully already at the helm, and they waited for what seemed an eternity until finally the systems came back on-line.

Joker didn't even wait for the order, he was away from the Citadel and headed towards the Mass relay before anyone could barely even believe that Anderson had done it.

"Keep it quiet, Joker and head for Ilos, stealth systems all the way, we're in a stolen Alliance ship now."

Joker nodded but didn't say anything as Kaidan turned, he had known Jane had left the Helm, but at this moment his head was pounding, not to mention his stomach was doing somersaults, and it wasn't because of the alcohol. Had he really just stolen an Alliance ship? Hell, some hero he was turning out to be.

oOo

Jane stood before Kaidan's door fighting with her inner voice that was saying she shouldn't be here, there wasn't anything to say. Well there was, but nothing she wanted to admit.

The door slid open as she turned to go and she stopped and closed her eyes before turning back to the door and walking in. Kaidan was seated at a desk, his back to her. He knew she was there, but didn't turn towards her.

She let her eyes roam the small Captains quarters, it was furnished simply enough, a bed, foot locker and a desk, but it was the plaque hung over the desk that caught her eye, and she stared at it, before reading it out loud. "The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep."

She paused as she watched Kaidan's head bow before he finally turned towards her, he didn't speak, he didn't really need to, but the silence was heavy, so she asked, "Is it yours?"

He shook his head, "No, it's an old poem, it was Captain Anderson's plaque, I left it there. I think it fits the situation well."

She nodded and the room dropped to silence again, before he sighed and stood.

"Jane, tell me why."

She turned from him slightly, "There isn't anything to tell."

"Yes there is. Tell me why you wanted me to leave you, why you would even think of that."

"I'm not as goddamn selfish as you think, Kaidan."

The use of his name caused him to smile, and he took a few steps towards her, which in the small room brought him to her side."

"I realize that, but the question remains. Why?"

"I didn't want you running back just to die with me. I figured the odds were better to go the other way, you were closer to Ashley."

Her face went blank, "You know, because you're important," his fingers drifted along her jaw and he pressed slightly, turning her face to his.

"Important?"

"Yes, you're important, who else would they listen to? I couldn't have you dying out there. This is too important."

"I finally got you to care about this?"

"Yeah, well having you in my head doesn't help anything."

He smiled, "Is that all?"

"What do you want to hear? That I didn't want you to die because I care about you, that I've never felt this way before, well goddamn it fine, I've never felt this way before, I've never cared if anyone I knew lived or died, besides my father, hazards of the job I always figured."

He stopped her tirade with a kiss that caused her eyes to flutter before they closed, but before he could deepen the kiss she pushed back. "No, you don't want this; it isn't how things are 'done'." She did the little air quotes next to her head and he laughed pulling her back to his lips.

"If you didn't notice I decided to do something I've never done before, I defied the Alliance, I've stolen a ship and I'm going against direct orders, today is a day of firsts." He kissed her again and she let him, her body melting into his as he laid her back on the bed, and the lights went dim around them.

oOo


	4. Problems Being Jane

Kaidan rolled over, he knew Jane was gone, he could feel her, but it wasn't the same as when she was with him. Her mind was a jumble, he could discern major feelings, but trying to sort through someone else's thoughts were difficult and he wondered if he'd ever be able to.

Being with her was unlike anything he had ever experienced though, every emotion was highlighted, and every sigh, every pleasurable thrill intensified. But at the same time, where he felt elation after, he could feel Jane's brooding doubt. And she had left without saying anything, he had let her go, knowing that holding her there, trying to get her to talk about her feelings was not a wise idea. He had pushed harder than he had meant to already, and he knew she was questioning everything. Dressing quickly he opened his com to Joker.

"How long do we have, Joker?"

"Two hours at most, Commander."

Kaidan sighed, and went to see what was causing the wave of frustration he felt flowing over him.

oOo

"Shut it, Wrex." Jane laid her rifle on the bench with a thump, and turned fully towards the chuckling Krogan.

"Hey, I get it, but you can't think of breeding with him."

"That's just, Christ; I forget what it's like trying to have a conversation with a Krogan. I'm not thinking about any of that. If you didn't notice we have way more problems, than if I have a goddamned boyfriend."

"Your dad wouldn't like him."

"What the hell do you know about what my dad would like or not?" Jane snapped back almost too quickly, snatching up the rifle, popping the heat sink and lifting an eyebrow at Wrex.

"Don't shoot, shit, I'm saying that for now he's fine but what about after all of this? What if what that Merc said is true, what if your dad is alive? Are you going to tell me you're going to stay in the Alliance?"

Jane frowned, chewing on her lower lip before shrugging, "I said I hadn't thought about it much yet. But hell, most likely not, I'll find my dad when this is over, and I'll make things right."

"See, and where is there room for an Alliance Commander in that?"

"I don't know, he did say he'd help me find my dad. The connection we share makes it hard for me not to be close to him. It's not just something that will go away. Shit, I don't know I wish Thane hadn't taken me to them."

"Thane, that assassin, see, that's more your type."

"I'm not an assassin, Wrex, besides I get the feeling he doesn't care for mercenaries much."

"You're not a mercenary now, Princess. Maybe it's time for a career switch."

Thane's dark eyes flashed through her mind and she smiled, before she realizing she could feel Kaidan's heart rate speed up, he'd seen that, and felt the fuzzy feeling that had gone with it. F-ing A.

She quickly tried to shove every thought as far away from her mind as possible, but she knew it was too late.

Garrus looked up from the Mako over to where the two were talking by the weapons bench. He wished Jane would talk to him more, he found her, intriguing, she was a merc, or had been at least. She had been raised by someone who by all accounts was a worthless bounty hunter, who cared for nothing and no one. Yet here was the proof that he cared for someone besides himself. Not only that, but he had raised her to have honor. She was faithful to her friends, and besides the mouth on her, which caused his translator to glitch constantly, was by all signs a hell of a fighter, she had a passion in her that said she cared deeper about things she wanted everyone to think she couldn't care less about.

"You really should leave that world behind, Jane; there isn't anything there for you. Even I know that. Besides they're criminals." He forced himself to say it, it's what he was supposed to think and say, but she was so different.

"Don't you dare go all cop on me, Vakarian." She tossed a look his way and watched as his mandibles fluttered in a small smile.

"You don't scare me, Jane. Turian military, remember? You know better, how many Turian mercs have you worked with? Were they ever afraid of you? I bet not."

She quirked her head to the side and walked over towards Garrus. "That depends, were we fighting or in bed?"

Garrus looked confused for a brief second before the realization of what she was saying hit him.

"You have not."

"Have too, liked it, never thought of you like that till right now though, Vakarian. Too bad you joined C-sec."

His eyes flashed to hers and she grinned, she was messing with him. Then why did he feel a sudden thrill that she could have been flirting with him?

Jane saw brief fear in his face and smirked.

"See, now you're worried and flustered."

Before he could think of a response, Wrex grunted.

"Disgusting, don't even talk about having been with Turian's even if you're joking."

Jane shrugged and gave Garrus one last grin before turning back to Wrex and the weapons bench.

"Can we shut up about this now and get ready? Shit, like I would take relationship advice from a goddamn Krogan."

Wrex elbowed her and she grunted, but didn't say anything. Garrus took the opportunity to leave, slipping out and to the mess.

As his luck would have it, the Commander was there. He looked worried; Garrus wasn't used to dealing with human emotions on this level. Their emotions, well at least the commanders always showed on his face. He kept quiet, not really wanting to get into another awkward conversation. But as he tried to move through and towards the bridge, Kaidan cleared his throat and Garrus paused.

"You and Jane okay?"

"Yeah, why would you ask?" Garrus realized he had answered quickly and a little too harshly.

"No reason just caught some amusement at your expense. I was just trying to figure out what was going on down there."

"Nothing out of the ordinary, just Wrex trying to convince Jane to go back to her former life," Garrus stopped mid sentence at the look on Kaidan's face.

"Don't worry about it; she's not going anywhere right now."

"Sure thanks, Garrus, you ready to drop?"

"Yeah, of course, I'm always ready." He was going to continue about the preparations, but Kaidan wasn't listening anymore, and Garrus frowned as he walked out of the room. The thing that was bothering the Commander was just what Garrus had figured. He was wondering if Jane loved him, Garrus sighed and knew that she didn't love the human commander. Oh sure, she cared about him, she didn't want to see him hurt, but love, no. When and if that girl ever loved anyone it would be fully and wholly and with the passion he felt deep within her. For someone who had a connection with her, Kaidan didn't seem to understand her at all. But he also knew without asking, that the Commander was in love with her, and he couldn't blame him.

The last thought caught him off guard, and he quickly shoved it out of his mind and went to gather his gear.

oOo

"Shepard, I need you at the helm, now!" Joker sounded panicked and Jane spun towards the door, moving before she even knew why, leaving Wrex staring after her.

As she entered the helm Kaidan was less than two steps behind her, she avoided his eyes, instead standing beside Joker.

"What the hell is it?"

"Call for you L.T. I think you'll want to take it," his voice dropped low. "It's Saren."

Jane's head snapped up and to Kaidan, who nodded slowly, answering for Jane. "Put it through, Joker."

Saren didn't speak right away, instead staring at her for a long moment and when he did speak his voice sounded odd, metallic.

"Jane Shepard, we should have known years ago, that hair, we should have known you."

Jane remained silent and Saren continued after a choked laugh.

"It doesn't matter; this is what it's come to. We'll give you one chance, come with us willingly and we'll leave your friends alive; for now. Resist and we will come get you and your friends will suffer. Don't make the same mistake your parents made."

Jane snorted, "Not likely, I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Not bright, surprising your parents were some of the most brilliant scientists the Galaxy has ever seen. We are their creations, you're not finished, but you can be. We need you alive, Shepard. Come with us, join this war and be something no pathetic human could ever hope to be."

"Fuck you, I'll see you soon and you'll be dead, and this will be over."

He laughed again and it turned into a choked cough. "No, as we speak the conduit is open, we will be pushing into the heart of the Galactic community, and your worlds will shatter. Fight if you must but your friends will die, the choice is yours."

The comm went dead and Jane took a deep shaky breath, her hands were clenched on the back of Jokers chair, her knuckles turning white, the ones so recently broken we're aching, but she didn't notice. Kaidan laid his hand on top of hers and gave a gentle squeeze, removing her hand from the chair.

"Joker, get us down there, we'll try to stop him from reaching the conduit, and then you have work to do."

"What do you mean, Sir?"

He gave a half-smile as he removed Jane's other hand. "The heart of our galactic community, that conduit goes to the Citadel. I'd bet my life on it, after we're on the ground, move it back to the Citadel, tell them what is coming, if we can't stop him, the fleets must be ready. The Council must be protected, understood?"

"Aye, Sir, saving the ass of people who could have done something to stop this, years ago, and by my count, most likely started it in the first place."

"Yes well there isn't anything to be done about it now, we have to act or it won't just be their ass in the fire." Kaidan towed Jane behind him out of the helm without another word turning her towards him only once they were next to the elevator.

"Jane, don't doubt yourself, and don't you dare think about giving yourself up to him. That's not how this works."

"I wasn't," Kaidan laughed and shook his head, brushing his thumb over her knuckles, "God, you were thinking about it just to get closer to him. Don't, Jane promise me you won't."

"Okay, I won't."

Kaidan frowned, but left it at that. "Alright, you ready for this?"

"Yeah, I'm good, you?"

"I'll be fine."

She snorted, "Fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional."

"Wow, I just got the biggest flash of your dad when you said that."

Jane chuckled, "Yeah, well he'd say standing around is only wasting fucking time and money, so shall we?"

oOo

Tracking Saren's signal had been easy, getting down there was another thing, and after the Mako finally bounced to a halt, Commander Alenko and his entire crew, minus Joker and Tali were accounted for and moved towards the bunker they had landed at.

They didn't have to look for Saren, he was there waiting for them, his arms at his side. He looked more machine now than Turian.

"One last chance, Jane, he held out his hand, like she was supposed to take it and she scrunched up her nose at him but remained where she was.

"Bring the Asari here." Benezia, looking close to a beaten pulp was lead forward by a few geth and discarded at Saren's feet. He pulled her up so she was kneeling and looked directly at Jane as he pulled his pistol and held it to the back of her head.

"Mother, no!" Liara screamed, and tried to move forward but both Kaidan and Garrus moved to restrain her. "Don't, let me go, Mother!"

Saren tilted his head, still watching Jane; he smiled and squeezed the trigger twice, letting the now lifeless Asari slump forward.

Jane hadn't jumped, she hadn't moved and her emotions were cold and remote. This reaction and the force of it caused Kaidan's breath to catch as he watched Jane stare down Saren, as he tried to restrain a screaming Liara.

"Next time, it will be someone you care about." Saren's eyes lifted to Kaidan and then back to Jane, before turning and entering the base.

"Son-of-a-bitch," Jane growled out between clenched teeth.

Kaidan let go of Liara and she sprinted forward to her mother's lifeless body. She stared down at her before rounding on Jane in a haze of fury.

"How could you? You just stood there and let him kill her, how could you?"

Jane didn't answer her and Liara threw herself at her, Wrex, Kaidan and Garrus moved to intercept but Jane shook her head and they backed off.

Liara's fist slammed into the side of Jane's face, she didn't try to stop her, just let her hit her a few times before she finally slumped to the ground.

"This is your entire fault, if we had just given you to him in the first place when the Alliance had first got you, we wouldn't be in this situation."

"That may be true, but you didn't, and this is where we're at. Now, when you're done feeling sorry for yourself, maybe you'll want to direct that anger at the real enemy. You have a right to be angry, and you're right, I didn't try to stop him. He would have taken that chance to kill you all. One for many, when we're hunting a target, the end justifies the means. I'm sorry; Liara, but your mother knew the risks. Just as we all do. Now, are you ready to put that bastard in the ground?"

Liara nodded and stood, she didn't apologise for her outburst or for hitting her, she didn't need to, Jane understood and as she moved forward Kaidan frowned. That line of thought was so different from everything he had ever been taught. He believed in never leaving anyone behind, doing anything to save as many as he could.

Garrus on the other hand smiled, shocked that Jane had known what Liara had needed, and a little shocked that Jane was willing to do anything to get the result she wanted. She was not what he had expected at all. No wonder her father had been one of the best, he knew the rules well, and had taught her just what she had needed to follow him.

None of them had time to process what had just happened as Saren had already pressed to the lower levels of the ruins. Garrus gunned the Mako, avoiding Geth, trying to catch up to Saren.

"Look, it's too late; he's made it to the Conduit." Liara groaned, "All of this for nothing."

Garrus frowned and looked to his right, Jane was staring straight ahead and he nodded. "Let's do this."

She grinned and he gunned the Mako down the hill and towards the conduit.

In a flash and crash of twisting metal, the Mako slammed into a wall and the occupants crawled from the wreckage.

"So much for the Citadel being a nice place, do you think Joker made it?" Jane glanced behind her, the question hanging in the air.

"I'd say so," Kaidan glanced above them, there was definitely something going on outside of the Citadel.

"You bet your ass I'm here, Commander. We've got company though, Sovereign is moving in fast, Geth ships are everywhere. The Admiral is mobilizing the fleet, the Council has been moved to the Destiny Ascension, but it's going to get nasty up here quick."

"Roger that, Joker, do what you can, keep the Council safe."

"I hate this place; honestly, do we really have to save this thing?" Wrex laughed.

They were crawling through the outer parts of the Citadel, Geth bearing down on them, they had to reach the Council chambers, but the more they pressed forward, the more the Geth pushed them back.

Jane rushed to the side, and was knocked back by a Geth rocket; she slid to the side and disappeared over the edge. Kaidan's heart froze; he felt the rush of two hearts, two huge releases of adrenaline shot him into overdrive as he sprinted for the edge.

Jane was just over the side, her armored fingers holding on to the ledge, she was looking down and he felt her frustration and sadness, but not at having fallen.

He reached his hand over the edge for her, but she didn't take his hand.

"Jane, reach up with your other hand. I've got you."

She still didn't reach up. Garrus lay down on his stomach and reached out his hand as well, looking down to where Jane's eyes were focused.

"Jane, I know, it's your father's rifle, I heard you talking about it with Wrex. I get it, but you're going to have to let it go. I understand but let us pull you up, if you go down there, we won't be able to reach you."

Kaidan was confused for a moment, but felt the war of emotions in her before she cussed and flung her hand towards Garrus, who wrapped his hand around her wrist and lifted her up. Kaidan sat back on his heels watching her look back over the edge.

"Really, Jane you're worried about a rifle, now? After all that, I feel more emotion about that then when Liara's mother was shot."

Wrex turned a look on Kaidan that said shut up and he frowned as he watched Garrus hand Jane his assault rifle, removing his sniper rifle.

She nodded to Garrus and it was as if they understood each other, even though the only emotion Kaidan was getting was Anger. Jane didn't say a word as they continued towards the Councils chambers.

Saren stood with his back to them, his head slightly bowed.

"So, Jane it comes to this then. We won't allow you to die; you will be a part of this."

"No, I won't, this ends now, Saren."

Without thinking she rushed towards him, Saren was ready and blocked her advance, the clash caused them to tumble to the side, they rolled together once before falling over the edge and crashing to the ground below.

Kaidan felt the impact as Jane landed; she was hurt, but alive. He closed his eyes willing his heart to stop pounding so hard, he'd never felt this afraid, Jane was out of control, she shouldn't have gone after Saren like that. What was wrong with her?

It took Jane a moment to shake off the rough landing before she realized that Saren's eyes were open, watching her. She jumped off of him, and opened fire; he was scrambling back from her, moving faster than she thought possible.

Kaidan was the first one down to them, and unfortunately the first one in Saren's path. Jumping down he turned and just as he did, was caught around the throat by Saren, his talons digging into the side of his neck.

Saren turned and slammed Kaidan into the wall and Jane felt the first crack as if it had been her own head that hit the wall.

Wrex rushed Saren, knocking Kaidan out of his hand. Turning Saren lashed out using what Jane would have sworn was a biotic blast to knock Garrus and Wex back, before advancing on Kaidan again, gasping out. "Last chance, Jane. Who knows what his death will do to your mind, you might want to think about that. Since you seem to only care for yourself and the end goal, do you even care if I kill him? Should we find out?"

He grasped Kaidan about the throat again and raised him above his head. Jane could feel the constricting of her throat and forced her mind to recognize that it wasn't her being strangled.

Turning she ran for where Garrus was pulling himself up, she dove for his sniper rifle but he had it in his hands already. He kneeled, and fired three times at Saren's back. Jane felt the grip on Kaidan's throat grow slack, just as there was a great crash. Sparkling slivers of glass began to fall, Garrus grabbed her and pulled her back to his chest pushing her to the ground and covered her body with his, as the ceiling crashed down around them.

oOo

"Alenko, Shepard, can you hear me?"

Jane blinked a few times, it was Anderson's voice and she tried to respond, but she couldn't move thanks to the Turian on top of her.

"Garrus," her voice was muffled but she felt him move, but not far enough. "Garrus, can you move? You're crushing me."

He groaned as he moved off of her, debris falling from his shoulders and back. "Are you okay, Shepard?"

"Yeah, hell I'm fine but what about you?" She reached forward her hand brushing over his neck, he suppressed a shiver that thankfully she didn't seem to notice and she pulled her hand back, it was covered with his blue blood.

"Garrus, you're cut, pretty badly. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't really, just wanted to keep you safe."

She nodded, as another voice screamed out her name, it was Kaidan and Anderson now and she smiled yelling out for them as Garrus slumped back against her.

oOo

"Captain Anderson, you know as well as we do, Sir that this isn't over. Not even close, we only delayed what you knew was coming, what everyone should be told is coming."

"Thank you, Commander Alenko, your concerns are noted. But the Council, which may I remind you, are directly in charge of you now, are the ones calling this. You are to push the Geth back; we have good reason to suspect that they are responsible for the missing ships we've been getting reports of."

"It's not just the Geth, something else is doing this with the help of the Reapers, Captain, and you have to make them listen to you. The Ambassador doesn't care about any of this; all he cares about is that humanity has their coveted spot on the council now."

"Yes, well that is the world of politics. And that's Councillor now, Alenko."

Kaidan ignored the comment and continued, "You don't agree with this, but you're going to let it happen?"

"We can't have this out of control, as far as the Council is concerned, the Reaper threat ended with Saren." Anderson paused for a moment, before Udina jumped in.

"Mostly ended with Saren, there is still the issue of," Anderson lifted a hand cutting him off.

"Yes, I am aware, I will inform the Commander, thank you."

"Inform me of what, Sir?"

Anderson waited for Udina to leave before he rubbed his temples with his fingers.

"You'll be leaving today. Your crew will however not include, Wrex, Vakarian or Shepard."

Kaidan's face screwed up in confusion, "Pardon me, Sir, but I knew Wrex was leaving and Garrus has returned to C-sec, working on becoming a Spectre I hear, but Jane?"

Anderson's eyebrow lifted at the use of her first name and nodded. "Yes, there are issues with Shepard that must be addressed. After, then she may rejoin your crew."

"Issues, Sir?"

"You know who her Alliance parents were; it is unknown how far the experiments went on her. The Council is concerned; they need to know why Saren was interested in her."

"She's going to be pissed."

Anderson was caught off guard at the changes in Alenko but smiled. "I know you care for her; I know you both went through something none of us can understand. But this will be over soon. Now, report back to the Normandy after you say good-bye, Commander, you're dismissed."

Kaidan found Jane staring out over the wreckage that had once been the commons of the Citadel, she turned as he approached and frowned.

"Your anxiety is killing me, we have to find a way to either shut this off, or get you medication, seriously that can't be good for your heart, it isn't good for mine, and I'll be damned if," Kaidan caught her up in his arms and cut off her words with a kiss. Her eyes closed before she struggled and pushed back.

"Oh no, you're not getting out of this. What the hell is wrong?"

He thought for a moment and she frowned.

"Bullshit, I'm stuck here?"

He nodded, and she slammed her hand down on the rail next to her. "Bullshit, this is not how it's supposed to work. We were supposed to save the Galaxy and then I could get back to my life."

"Jane, you know I'll help you, just give this a bit more time."

"Yeah, time, sure."

He didn't pursue some of her darker thoughts just then; instead he lowered his lips to her ear and kissed softly. "Speaking of time, I don't have much. Let's have dinner and I'll show you where you'll be staying while I'm gone."

She nodded, but he could see the flex in her jaw, she was definitely pissed.

oOo

Kaidan stood and pulled his shirt over his head. Jane was staring out the window, as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, laying his chin on her shoulder.

"Hey, I'll be back soon. And we're really never that far apart."

Another simple nod and he sighed turning her towards him.

"I always thought it would be so much easier if we could read and understand people's thoughts and emotions. Turns out it makes it much more complicated."

She wouldn't look at him and he lifted her chin with a finger and smiled. "Hey, when I get back, I promise we'll figure this all out." He felt her tense under his fingertips and he stroked her jaw softly.

"Everything will be fine."

"I told you what fine means."

He laughed, "Yeah, well trust me, I mean it, we'll take some leave when I get back, see if we can't find some leads on your dad."

She sighed and let the tension drop from her shoulders.

"Yeah, okay."

He grinned, taking what he could get, kissed her softly and made for the door. Looking back he almost said that he loved her, but let her turn, knowing she heard the silent words and she nodded, and spoke her reply, "I know, I think I love you too." He froze, the reply made his heart leap, and if they had been any other couple he would have been happy. But he could feel the brooding doubt in her, and wondered to himself if she realized she had just lied.

oOo

In the week that Kaidan had been gone, Jane realized two things. Distance didn't matter, it only quieted the connection, instead of a torrent of emotions and thoughts it was a trickle. The difference of standing beside a trickling fountain and a raging waterfall; second the council took their sweet time in everything. She still hadn't been called to talk to them; she had seen Anderson a few times. He had told her to be patient and not to worry. Whereas Anderson was nice, Udina was a pain in the ass and she hated him. He was evasive, abrasive and goddamn annoying.

For lack of other things to do, she had taken to walking the parts of the Citadel that we're back open, wandering from district to district. Always in the same pattern, it helped her think. Though now that Kaidan's thoughts were quieter it wasn't as hard as she had once found it, she was getting restless and found herself staring at the ships coming and going from the Citadel, wishing she was on one of them.

Garrus had watched Jane walk by the C-sec office at the same time every day, for a week. He had meant to drop by and check on her, but with half the Citadel destroyed, he had been kept busy with the extra security needed. He watched her from a desk by the window; she wandered by and happened to glance up at the same time catching his stare. She smiled and waved to him. He stood and made his way towards her.

"You know, you could set a clock by your walks."

She grinned, "Lack of other things to do."

"Yeah, wish I could say that, I've been going non-stop since we got back and Kaidan saved the Citadel."

She flinched; she knew that everyone was calling Kaidan the hero of the Citadel. Even though it had actually been Garrus that had killed Saren and the sacrifice of the fifth fleet that had ended the attempted return of the Reapers and truly saved the citadel.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I tried to tell them, but they don't listen, goddamned Udina was just too happy to put forth Kaidan and the Alliance as the heroes."

He chuckled at the way she said the last word, as if it left a bad taste in her mouth.

"It doesn't matter, it's over. Hey I have to get back, but if you have a lack of things to do, how about I come over and get you tonight. We'll have some drinks, I have tomorrow off. First since we got back, I could use a night out."

She nodded, "Yeah that sounds good. See you later?"

"Sure, pick you up at your place."

"You know where I'm at?"

"Yeah, perks of C-sec."

She smirked, "Right, cop, not sure I want those drinks now."

He grinned and turned back towards his office. "Just be ready at eight."

oOo

Good to his word, Garrus was there promptly at eight. It was most likely the first time she had ever seen him out of armor and she laughed. "Right on time, Vakarian, not that I should be surprised, that damn training you Turians get never goes away. Even some of the most hardened Turian mercs I ever knew, were always on damn time."

"That's right, it's a flaw." He chuckled as she stared at his eyepiece. "You leave that on though?"

"Yup," was all he said as she fell in step next to him, as he motioned for her to walk with him.

"What's the plan?"

"Well Flux isn't back up and running, so I figured we'd hit a little place I know down by the docks."

They walked in silence before they stopped in front of a tiny cafe', Garrus pulled out a chair for her, waited for her to take a seat and then took his own.

"So, the recovery of the Citadel is going well," Jane started and Garrus laughed.

"No, we're not talking shop tonight," he ordered them drinks and sat back watching her down the first three without even breathing.

"Slow down or I'll have you under the table by ten."

"Yeah, it's going to take a lot more than a few drinks to get me under the table."

He sputtered at that and Jane let forth a burst of laughter.

"You know I didn't mean that."

"Yeah I know but it's goddamned fun watching you get flustered. I wish Turian's blushed, because you would be bright red."

He ignored this and downed his drink, "Alright, big question, what are your plans? You don't seem like the type to take sitting still very well for too long, and it seems to me you were going crazy day one."

"Yeah, but I promised Kaidan I'd wait, that I'd be patient."

"And how's that going for you?"

"Damn bloody awful."

"Not just the waiting, being away from him, that can't be easy, you know, with your relationship."

Jane shrugged, "You have no idea how nice it is to sit here and know you can't read my every thought and emotion."

"I'm rather glad I can't either, but still the point is you must miss him."

Jane answered without even pausing, "No, it's hard to miss someone when they don't actually leave." She bit down on her lip as soon as she had said it and turned a guilty glance on Garrus but he just shrugged.

"I understand that."

The words brought back the push towards the Council tower and she smiled changing the subject, "You know, I never thanked you for what you said, you know for understanding about my dad's rifle. Speaking of that, remind me to give you your rifle back. I still have it."

They fell into an easy conversation after that, sharing stories of different fights and battles they had been in, their conversation stretching late into the night.

When they finally stood to walk back they were both quite drunk, and they stumbled and laughed their way back to Jane's apartment.

"Thanks, Garrus I needed that, you want to come in and get your rifle?"

She was pointing over her shoulder, but his eyes were locked on the long white of her neck before moving to her eyes.

"Another time, I should go."

She nodded and turned to go in, before he laid a hand on her arm, stopping her. "Jane, go out with me tomorrow."

"Sure, but it's going to have to be later, I need to sleep this off first if we're going out drinking again."

"No, I mean, out with me."

Jane's face scrunched in confusion before what he was saying dawned on her. "You mean, like a date?"

Garrus nodded and she laughed.

"Garrus, we're both really drunk, I'm not sure you know what you're saying, get the hell out of here and sleep it off. Goddamn it, getting all weird on me." But if it was the alcohol why was her heart beating so hard?

"If you really think it's the alcohol that's making me say this, then walk away."

She didn't move and he ran his hand up to her shoulder. "I may be fooling myself, but I think you feel it too. That you felt it when I pulled you up from that ledge, tell me I'm wrong."

Jane didn't answer again and he nodded. "Go out with me tomorrow?"

She nodded and he stepped back from her letting the door close.

She fell forward against the door, bracing against its cool surface, when had she grown so warm? And what the hell was she doing?

oOo

"You took me to a fight?" She was trying to sound annoyed, but really she was excited, it had been ages since she had been to a proper Krogan battle ring.

"Yeah I figured the movies was to cliché. That's probably what you've done on every date."

She shook her head and took her drink from him as he took a seat next to her in the makeshift arena.

"To be honest with you, Garrus, I'm pretty sure this is the first 'date' I've ever been on." She did the stupid little quote thing next to her head that he had seen her do when annoyed with Kaidan and he laughed.

"Really, how is that possible? I figured your dad would have had to beat boys away with a stick."

"Yeah, more like a loaded rifle. No, I uh, didn't really date, my dad didn't approve of lasting commitments."

"Yeah, that explains it."

"Explains what?"

"Nothing and yet, everything, you know with how you were with the Commander. You have commitment issues."

She frowned, "Yeah, but I'm here with you aren't I?"

"Sure, for now, but I realize that, and I'm just asking you to date, go out, have a good time, see what happens, the Commander damn near proposed to you day one."

She shrugged like it didn't bother her. "Yeah, well the connection makes it difficult for us both. I understand him, but I just don't,"

"Love him." Garrus finished for her. "Yeah well love is complicated."

"Yeah it is," Jane agreed.

There was silence, yet she felt yearning and confusion, it was faint but it was there. She pushed every other thought out of her mind, and tried to concentrate on the here and now.

"Aren't these illegal?" She looked up as if it had just hit her.

"Sure are, how do you think I know when and where they're going to be?"

She eyed him, "Seriously what kind of Cop are you?"

He laughed, "The kind that never wanted to be one. I think you and I can understand each other on that point better than most."

"Yeah, I guess so. But this is a side, I didn't think you had."

"It's not like you asked, besides, you know, you're quite different from most of the criminals I've met." He grinned and leaned forward, laying a hand on her leg, "Hey, it's starting."

She grinned, not paying attention to the match, instead enjoying the very warm feeling growing in her chest.

He looked back at her, gave her a slight smirk and a wink, "Pay attention would you?"

She laughed and leaned forward, resting her hand on his and they watched together in perfect companionable silence.

oOo

Four weeks Jane had let herself enjoy things for what they were. She had let the constant stream of emotions in the background, learning to ignore them. She wanted to enjoy things as they were now. If she was stuck here she might as well enjoy it she figured. Though she and Garrus had grown as friends, and quite possibly more, she really didn't want to think about it and Garrus had never even mentioned it, instead letting her have space when she needed it. Though his busy work schedule helped that out, he would pick her up in the evenings and he would always find something new for them to do.

She swung around the corner into the C-sec office where Garrus's desk was, it was empty but the man in the desk next to it called out. "Vakarian, your girlfriend is here."

Jane swallowed hard at hearing it called out, but then Garrus poked his head around the corner and laughed. "So if she's my girlfriend because we go out in the evening, how many do you have? Oh wait, you pay for those."

The man blushed and Garrus chuckled as he joined her at the door.

"You know, Garrus, it's hard for me to match up the cop I met here all that time ago when you were with Kaidan, and this."

He grinned and whispered, "Maybe you just bring out the best in me, not too many people I can be myself with. They all have expectations of me, like my father. I was never what he wanted me to be. It doesn't seem to matter to you."

"That's right; I keep my expectations low it's easier, that way you don't get disappointed."

"Right, so, what brings you by in the middle of the day?"

"I was thinking we could grab some lunch, you have time?"

"Great idea let me grab my stuff."

Grabbing and storing his weapons they made for the center common area that was starting to come back together.

"Have you heard anything from the Normandy?"

"No, nothing, I'm starting to wonder where the hell they went. Not to mention that I've not heard from Anderson in almost a week, I'm starting to wonder if I've been forgotten."

"Well I'm here." He took her hand, just as Anderson rounded the corner in front of them. Jane pulled her hand from Garrus before remembering to salute.

Anderson looked from Garrus to Jane his eyes widening slightly before he returned the salute and nodded.

"The council would like to see you tonight Shepard, you too Vakarian."

They were both shocked and barely nodded in response.

"That's all, as you were." He smirked as he walked away. And Jane groaned.

"I am not in the mood for their bullshit."

"Are you ever?"

"No, goddamn it, I'm not."

oOo

Jane pulled on the Alliance uniform she hadn't worn in weeks. Braiding her hair and pulling on her boots she had the oddest sensation. She couldn't breathe; dizzy she slumped to the bed and as she did the flood gates opened. Kaidan, Kaidan was screaming for her, he couldn't breathe, and he was telling her to be calm. That he was sorry, that things should have been different. So many emotions crashed into her as the room began to grow fuzzy. She was dying, she could feel her heart slowing, feel the lack of oxygen to her brain causing lights in her vision and just before everything went dark, Kaidan's face and she realized it wasn't her dying. It was Kaidan, and as he struggled for his last breath Jane's world flashed and went dark.

That's how Garrus had found her, face down on the floor of her apartment. Her breathing was shallow, but she was alive. He carried her to the medical ward and then messaged Anderson.

Anderson was sober when he entered the hospital room. Jane was sleeping, passed out from shock the doctor said. Garrus was trying to explain to Anderson that he wasn't sure what happened, that he had found her passed out that way, but Anderson shook his head.

"I'm not sure how it works, between the Commander and Shepard, the connection Liara told them about, but the Normandy was destroyed. Commander Alenko was killed in action, I'm afraid the severing of the link between them was too much for her."

Garrus shook his head, trying to understand what Anderson had just said, "Kaidan is dead?"

His eyes snapped back to Jane, "Spirits, Jane said that it was bad just when Saren cracked his head against a wall, like it was her head, but she had been able to fight through it. But to die with him, I can't," Garrus couldn't finish and Anderson sighed.

"Would you stay with her, Garrus? She's going to need someone when she wakes up and realizes what happened." Anderson gave Garrus a knowing look and he nodded.

"Yeah, I'll let you know when there is any change."

Anderson seemed satisfied, and without another word left the room. Garrus sat next to the bed and took Jane's hand in his. "I'm here, Jane. I'm here."

It was dark when Jane opened her eyes. The pain and fear came back in a rush but something was missing, she couldn't feel Kaidan, it was true, he was dead. The noise she had hated was now a silence that crushed her. Her eyes adjusted quickly to the dim light, asleep in a chair next to the bed was Garrus and guilt washed over her like a wave upon the rocks, it hit her and crushed her. She didn't know what to do. Then as if it had needed it a place to go, her anger and resentment took hold in the place that had once housed Kaidan's emotions and thoughts and she quickly made up her mind to leave.

She had to get away; she had done enough damage already. She needed to run, and then the thought hit her, she was just like her dad. And she realized she needed to find him. She needed to be away from Jane Shepard. She needed Jessie Massani. She forced the tears away and climbed out of the bed and slipped quietly away, forcing herself to not look back at Garrus for fear that she might not be able to leave.

Garrus' eyes opened, years as a C-sec officer had made him a very light sleeper. He watched Jane sneak out of the room. She was running from him, but more so herself and he let her go. Today would be busy, explaining Jane's disappearance and turning in his badge and then figuring out where she was running to.

No more was the thought out of his head when the answer came to him, and a small smirk spread across his face. Omega, it had practically be her home. No better place to start now that Kaidan wasn't coming back, and he wasn't going to stand around here and be told he didn't make Spectre rank again. Forget that, Jane wasn't the only one with reasons to run. And it was about time he followed what he wanted, not what someone else wanted. He had a feeling Jane felt the same way.

oOo

_Let me know what you think. As I said it is my first trip into Mass Effect fanfiction, after reading some stories on here by a lot of you actually, and playing the games._

_Your thoughts are always welcome. __I'm sorry if they are too long, I get going and can't stop it seems. I actually had to cut this one off before it got really out of control, haha. _

_Have a great week everyone._


	5. You Can't Go Home Again

You can't go home again, she had never understood that saying, yet it kept repeating in her mind as she exited the docks on what had been the closest thing to a home she had ever had.

Omega, not something most people would call home, not somewhere many people would want to visit, but damn it, this _was_ her home. She set her jaw and stalked forward with determination. It was time to face the music; she knew her life may be forfeit once she walked on to the space station. But she didn't care, she needed to find Zaeed she needed her dad; she needed to be Jessie Massani. Most of all she felt a deep need to have his forgiveness, she knew it sounded insane, why should she need his forgiveness when he was the one who had taken her, but it was an all possessing thought in her head. That she had betrayed him, she had left him out there somewhere, hurt or worse, and that she had abandoned him when he needed her most. Sure he had forced her away at first, but she could have left before now, she could have found him, but she hadn't.

No, she had stayed with the Commander, but why? She knew all the way to her toes that she didn't love him, she had never loved him. Sex was always one thing, it kept everything simple when that's all it was, but Kaidan had wanted more, she had thought for a moment that she had too. But not the way it was with him, she had found that she couldn't stand being around him when they weren't, well, you know. She shook her head with a frown. What a terrible person she was, then with a shrug wondered how he hadn't seen that to begin with, she had told him she wasn't normal.

But then Garrus had come fully into her life in a way she hadn't been ready for, not with the Kaidan issues so raw. Oh, she should have felt guilt that Kaidan was still alive; when she was feeling things for Garrus she was sure she would never be capable of feeling. They had never even really kissed, yet she had found herself excited just to have him hold her hand. And then she had run because it had been too real, too much. She really did have issues, and first and foremost was that she loved a man named Zaeed Massani, perhaps the only thing she actually did love, at least in her way. And he was the only one who really understood her, at least she had thought so, and that thought alone was enough to make her run from Garrus, he was just...too good for her.

Christ, she rolled her eyes at herself and dragged a hand over her face, just as the first sounds of Omega hit her.

Afterlife, it had been a refuge from the mercenary life with her dad, he had taught her to drink there. Not your normal fuzzy father daughter moment she mused, but then life with Zaeed was not normal, but then neither was she and she realized she had missed this place. The music pulled at her as more and more memories hit her. She pulled the hood of her sweater around her face and bypassed the front door, instead heading towards the back.

She didn't bother watching her back; she knew she had already drawn attention. A lone human female on Omega wasn't something that would just be ignored. She stepped up to the lone Turian guard, gave the password and disappeared into the noise and flashing lights of Afterlife.

Fitting name, Afterlife, most of the patrons of this place were already dead, they just didn't know it yet. The thought caused the corner of her mouth to curl in a smile. Was she dead already?

Did it matter?

For some reason it did and she didn't pause to take the time to ponder what that meant, the answer was not something she really wanted to deal with right now.

Edging her way around the dancing, grinding groups was something that felt like second nature, she grabbed a glass from the counter and slammed it back to the protest from some Asari to the side, a quick stare from Jessie caused the Asari to throw up her hands and shout over the music, "hey, sure, whatever you need, I don't want any trouble." With a nod Jessie continued her slow but methodical trek towards Aria T'Loak's inner sanctum. She hadn't thought all the way through what she would say, Aria wasn't exactly what you would call a friend, the goddess of Omega didn't have friends, but she and the Asari had always had an understanding. Besides that, Aria was always in well with the head of the mercenary groups, and until the last few years, that had been her dad. Shit, had it been so long?

There was a commotion in Aria's room, a man was on his knees in front of her couch, in what looked like some form of pain, or he was begging, either for his life, or for Aria's favor, perhaps both. Aria's guards were busy trying to drag the begging man out of the room; one of them finally dropped the squirming man and sighed, "Let's just shoot him."

Jessie leaned her shoulder against the wall as Aria groaned, "Fine shoot him, just not here."

Jessie chuckled, glad that something's never change. Aria's eyes snapped up and to where she leaned in the shadows against the wall. Jessie saw them narrow to slits before she growled.

"What the fuck is this; annoy the shit out of Aria day? If you value your life you'll turn and slink out of this room and my club."

Jessie smiled stepping forward and pulling the hood back from her face, "Now, Aria is that anyway to talk to one of your biggest fans? You know I did always love your work."

Aria glanced from her eyes to her hair and then to the plain clothes she wore, "Jessie Massani, or as I hear it, it's Jane Shepard now, Alliance stooge. You know what they say don't you? That you sold out your own father to Vido, that you watched as he shot him, that you left him there to die and ran to the Alliance. They say more, but it's about how you're an Alliance whore, would you like me to share?"

Jessie had lost what Aria was saying somewhere around the part about her selling out her father and with no thought to self preservation, lunged at her throwing her full weight on her, her hand firmly around her pale violet throat. No thought was given to her guards, or that she had a pistol hidden beneath her hoodie, no at this point all she saw was red and all she wanted was to shut Aria's mouth.

Aria had motioned at once for her guards to stand down as Jessie lunged for her, she was pleased to see that the rumors around her and Zaeed's sudden disappearance appeared to be false, and she laughed.

Jessie's hand faltered and began to relax as she heard the laugh; the rage quickly began to seep from her body leaving her feeling weak. With a shove Aria pushed Jessie off her and to the couch, she sat forward and nodded.

"Alright, I believe you; you didn't sell Zaeed to Vido. But you are in the Alliance so what the fuck, are you doing here?"

"I came here to find my dad."

"He's not here, and there are a lot of people that would like to see you in the same shape he's in."

"Then he's alive?"

"Just a rumor really, he might be alive, but no one can verify if they've actually seen him. You're chasing a ghost, better to let this die; you're a wanted woman here, by everyone but me, you're worth almost enough to make me think about it. Good thing I can't stand Vido. That gives you one shot to get the hell off Omega, if I were you I'd take it. Go back to the Alliance; you don't belong here anymore kid."

Jessie shut her eyes for a moment before shaking her head thinking of the bridges she'd burnt.

"No, I can't do that. I'm not sure what I was doing coming here, I just thought," Jessie fumbled for the words but Aria finished for her.

"You were hoping you'd come back here and find that Zaeed was alive and well and running the blue suns, that everything would have worked out. Well, Princess, life isn't fairy tales and castles, you know that, so fucking suck it up and get the hell out of here."

Standing, Jessie nodded. "Yeah, fuck you, thanks for your wonderful help as always. She pulled her hood back over her head, hiding her hair and made for the stairs.

"Hey, Jessie, before you run off to pout or whatever it is you merc kids do, you should know, even if you do find him, you're both dead, Vido isn't just going to come out of hiding for you to kill him. Things will never be the same; Zaeed is nothing now, nothing more than a bounty hunter, if he's even alive." Aria trailed off and looked as if a thought had just hit her.

"There was something about a bounty hunter, nothing huge, just well performed, ruthless, Zaeed's style, but," Aria stopped and shook her head.

"What? You can't just stop."

"If it is Zaeed, have you wondered why he hasn't tried to find you, why he hasn't sent you word? If it's him, and he's back to bounty hunting, and hasn't even tired to come back, have you given a thought about why?"

She blinked and opened her mouth with a biting reply but it died on her tongue. No, to be honest she hadn't thought of that and she stuttered, "No, if it's him he's just not sure where I am, I- everything is fine, I'll find him, he's just, maybe he thought I wouldn't come back, I don't know. But thanks for being a bitch and pointing out that my dad might not want me back."

Aria shrugged, "That's what I'm for, welcome home, Jessie, don't die, I always had big hopes for you."

With that Aria flicked her fingers towards her in dismissal and Jessie made her way down the stairs and towards the front door of Afterlife, she had just barely made it out the door when the situation hit her and she found the first bench she could and sank on to it, she didn't cry, she wasn't that type, she merely kicked her feet out and crossed them at the ankle, folding her hands over her chest and stared straight ahead.

You can't go home again she thought with a humorless smile, how right they were.

oOo

Thane recognized Jessie before he ever saw her face; her movements were the same ones that were permanently etched in his memory. Fluid, seamless, the way she walked, sat, and folded her arms and legs seemed to be just small parts of a single movement. He didn't find himself on Omega often; the place was full of the type of person Jessie used to be, people who didn't need his services. What was she doing here? Why was she out of uniform?

Without another thought he went to her, he was drawn to her, drawn to the feelings that he got while he was around her, his memories kept her with him and in his thoughts more than she rightfully should be, she had become close to him over the years since he had first taken her to the Alliance, as close as a memory can be. And he wondered if she ever thought of him, though he had heard she and the Commander had grown close, he was dead now, is that why she had thrown herself back into this place?

He sat gently next to her, she didn't move right away, but he felt her breathing change, it hitched as if she had been caught unaware, and then evened when her eyes turned and recognized him. He saw the faintest smile before her face became confused.

"What are you doing here, Thane?"

"Mm, I was just about to ask you the same question, Jane."

She shook her head, almost violently, "No, my name is Jessie, and this is, or at least was, my home."

He glanced about the outer wall of Afterlife and shook his head, "I feel as if I should apologise for that, but I doubt you had any issue living here."

"No, I really didn't, I thought it was the most exciting place, my dad taught me a lot of things, and I know for sure now that Omega is not the worst place in the Galaxy."

He nodded and noticed the blue smudges under Jessie's eyes and that her color wasn't the same as he remembered. She seemed pale, drawn, as if she hadn't eaten or slept in some time. A feeling he knew well.

Thane waited a moment to see if she'd continue, but she had dropped to silence again, the shadows seemed to stretch across her face and he tilted his head and decided to chance prodding her.

"Why are you here, Jessie?"

She shrugged, "I thought I was looking for answers about where my dad could be, but I just kind of got slapped in the face with an answer I didn't want. If my dad is alive, why isn't he trying to contact me? Goddamn it, the ol' man might not want my help, I just don't know, he's proud, but losing the Blue Suns might have crushed him. It's all he had."

"He had you."

Jessie shook her head, "Yeah well he did opt to send me to the Alliance, so I wonder about that, hell, how much did he know about what I was or am, and Saren? Did he know anything? Shit, I'm rambling now."

She leaned forward her elbows just above her knees, and clasped her hands.

"I have no idea what to do now."

"I'm sure the Admiral will be expecting you back."

She laughed and said what he had guessed, "No, I ran, the only reason they'll be looking for me is to throw my ass in jail."

She dropped off again, just staring at her clenched hands, eyebrows drawn together in thought. Thane had known what he was going to ask her the moment he sat down, but now that the time was there, he was worried, he had never been worried about anything, but in that moment the thought of her turning him down was enough to make his hand shake. He leaned forward matching her pose and sighed.

"You could come with me, Jessie."

She didn't move, and he wondered if she had heard him. But then she turned her face towards him, her face confused.

"What?"

"You could come with me, I'm about to leave, I have a job and a few more, I freelance now. If you need help, I would help you."

"Goddamn it." She closed her eyes and sat back against the bench, "You're an assassin, you work alone, you don't need to be dragging me around, and I don't need your pity."

He shook his head, "Did you know every movement you've ever made is perfectly imprinted in my memory?"

She opened her eyes and lifted an eyebrow at him and shook her head, but he didn't elaborate and she didn't ask him to, he just nodded and stood.

"I've always thought you would have been a good assassin. Perhaps we could find out. Besides, your dad is out there, not here."

He turned and began walking towards the docks, he knew by the steady clip of her boots that she was behind him and he closed his eyes in a brief prayer of thanks before pausing to let her catch up to him.

oOo

Too late, what did she mean he was too late?

Aria snapped her fingers in front of the Turian's face and rolled her eyes, figures, it was only a matter of time before someone came looking for Jessie the runaway, this Turian seemed extremely put out though.

"I said, you're too late, she's gone."

"But she was here? Did she go after her dad?"

"I have no fucking clue, I am not Jessie Massani's keeper; she was here, asked some questions and then left with that assassin. Now I suggest you run along and do the same, leave that is. You don't belong here; the people around here don't take kindly to your kind, cop."

"I'm not a cop anymore."

"But you were, and these people won't see the difference."

Garrus nodded and left the club, he had barely made it on Omega when Aria's thugs had grabbed him and drilled him on why he was there, and let him know that Jane was already gone, with Thane. They were calling her Jessie again, though he guessed that out here, she was Jessie.

Spirits, had he lost her already? And what the hell was he going to do now?

His eyes traveled unseeing around the depressing landscape of Omega, trying to imagine Jane as a young child there wasn't difficult, actually he could picture it rather well. He sighed and felt comforted by the weight of his sniper rifle on his back. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, but he knew he had to get Zaeed's attention; he needed something that would get everyone's attention.

His eyes focused as he watched a group of blue suns move through and towards Afterlife, they shoved anyone in their way to the side and looked like they were asking for a fight. Too bad no one seemed inclined to give them one.

What would Jane do when and if she found Zaeed would she follow that life again, would she be the type of mercenary he had always thought of, one without honor, one without scruples of who they hurt all in the name of money?

What would life look like after they had found him? He thought he knew Jane pretty well and knowing her she had a way of looking at it so it wasn't all about the bottom line, Zaeed had a code and he knew she did as well. He wasn't sure she would have approved of this new Blue Suns that Vido was building; it didn't seem to fit with what he knew of her. Jessie or Jane, both had a code and lived by it, he'd seen it firsthand.

Though, he thought with a grimace, she did go out with you when she was still technically with the Commander, someone who by all accounts was a good friend. He pushed that thought out of his head with a chuckle, yeah but you asked her to, so what does that say about you?

In the end there was only one real way to find anything out for sure, he nodded to himself. Making up his mind Garrus headed back into Afterlife, time to do some recruiting and see what kind of trouble he could stir up, with a flick of his mandibles he grinned, he might actually enjoy this, he just hoped Jane wouldn't stay gone, that she hadn't given up, and that Thane wasn't her escape from him.

oOo

In almost three months, Thane had learned a few things about Jessie, she was a fast learner, she enjoyed her work and she was a good business partner. She was however, prone to long periods of brooding and she didn't share her feelings well, in saying that, she didn't share them at all. Not even a hint, she was quiet and he often found her staring off into space. The first few times he had asked her what she was thinking, a slight smile would cross her lips, one that never reached her eyes and she would shrug and remove herself from the room. The biggest thing he noticed though was that she never looked at him the way he remembered.

Yes, almost three months, and several jobs later, and Jessie was a mystery to him, she was troubled and although her color had improved, the dark smudges under her eyes persisted, Thane chanced a glance over at her as she sighted her rifle, she hadn't been the best shot, but it was getting better. Where she excelled was hand to hand, she could over power just about any opponent and have their necks snapped in four moves, she was small and lithe and her moves were quick, precise and deadly.

They had moved through the last three months in almost a haze, she hadn't spoken of her dad; he had mentioned it and only received a shake of her head and a shrug. Then a hastily added comment that she didn't know what to do yet, that was followed by a string of cuss words, so he had let it be, knowing better than to pry.

That was over a month ago; he stifled a cough and caught the look she gave him, it held a question she would never ask. She motioned towards where their target had disappeared and he watched the smile spread across her face. Their target was out of sniper range now, and they would have to continue on foot, she was thrilled by the chase and as he followed her silent steps through the streets, his eyes on her back he wondered what she was doing, why she was with him if she didn't want his help finding her father? He knew the answer, but he didn't want to admit to himself that he was a distraction. She was losing herself here with him; it was the easy way out.

Jessie was a beautiful woman, and that simple fact had gotten them in range of targets that Thane would have otherwise had to track for hours, possibly days. It was amazing the simple allure she could have on most men, himself included. This time was no exception, thane made his way into the ventilation system as Jessie knocked on the door, the man who answered didn't stand a chance, a simple smile, a shake of red hair, and he let her into his room closing the door behind them, by the time Thane had dropped down into the room from above the man lay at her feet, an odd look of amusement on Jessie's face. She wiped her hands on her pants and smiled at him. And he shook his head.

"Jessie, you should have waited for me, what if he had guards, you shouldn't have taken the risk."

She shrugged, "You worry too goddamn much, he was alone, had only one thing on his mind. I know how men think."

Thane nodded and groaned inwardly at the effect her simple words had on him. He had tried to get close to her for three months, and the entire time she had kept him at arm's length. They left in silence and continued back to the apartment they had used during their time following their mark. Just as the door closed a coughing fit started that caused him to lean back against the door, it didn't last long but the effect was the same as always. Jessie stood near him, her hand on his back, but this time her touch was not soothing, it irritated him. Why was she hiding around him, why would she not talk to him? He had wanted to help her, but all she had done was shut down.

Shoving her hand away he shook his head and made to walk around her when her hand shot out and she shoved him back.

"You don't have to be an ass about it. I was just trying to help."

Normally he would let it go but this time he spun to her and shoved her against the wall, and crushed his lips to hers, he felt the slight war in her before she relaxed, she began to return his kiss, it was intense at first but he felt when her mind caught up with the situation. He felt her pull away from him, not just physically but it was as if she pulled everything she was from him and turned her head away.

For a long moment neither of them said anything, and then she laughed. It wasn't a happy laugh, bright and sarcastic like he was used to, no this one was low and rueful.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this but I can't, Thane, trust me I want to, goddamn it, but I just can't."

He wanted to say he understood, but he didn't so he said the words he had thought for months.

"Is it the Commander?"

"What?" Her face screwed up and she actually looked confused. "Hell no, god don't think that, whatever you do, not that. I didn't love him, Thane; it was such a terrible thing of me. I-well sex was easier than trying to explain to him that we weren't right for each other, he was a part of me sure, just not by choice. Shit, then he died and it saved me from having to tell him at all. Fuck that sounds awful. Sex was always the easy part; it's the emotional part I'm not good at." She laughed again and he traced a scar above her eyebrow.

"You don't see me that way then?"

She sucked in a breath, "No, I mean, yes, hell yes I see you like that, it's just that, goddamn it, Thane you're going to have to stop touching me so I can get this out."

He leaned back a bit but didn't step away from her. "Garrus and I," before she could finish she stopped abruptly at the widening of his eyes. "Christ, yes but not in the way you think. He and I began seeing each other when Kaidan left, before he died, we never did anything we just talked, we got to know each other, I like to think he's the only person out there who might understand me like my dad does. He didn't judge me, just understood, he knew what I needed. God it's hard to explain, he just, made me feel complete and it had nothing to do with sex."

"If you gave me the chance, Jessie, I think it could be that way with us, but you shut yourself off, you don't let me near you, emotionally."

"I know."

"Why?"

"Because all I can think of is him."

"You love him."

"I don't think I'd call it that."

"It's what it is, if you want to call it that or not, I know. I've felt it twice. It's a rare thing to even feel once. Why did you run away then?"

"I'm a coward."

"Mm, Jessie you are anything but a coward, you just need to listen to yourself more."

He wanted to kiss her again, he wanted to stop the stirring he felt in her, he wanted to keep her from running from him, and he wanted her to give him a chance. She might not ever see Garrus again, but as he leaned towards her his omni-tool beeped and he closed his eyes, drew a deep breath and stepped back from her.

He stepped towards the larger video screen on the wall and played the recording, it was a contact of his on Omega.

"Thane, I know you wanted me to keep tabs on anything odd going on here on Omega. I thought you were nuts, I mean, what isn't crazy on Omega? The whole place is fucked up. But that was until someone started picking off blue suns and now blood pact and eclipse. Something is going on, it's big and they want someone's attention. I just thought you should know."

He knew she was gone before he heard the door close, he had felt the moment she moved behind him. He bowed his head slightly, closed his eyes, and let her go. If there was one thing he had learned was that Jessie had hidden with the commander and Alliance, they had found out things about her past she wanted nothing to do with, and she ran. He had given her just another place to hide, and now she was running again, but this time he hoped that for her sake she was running towards something, and not away from it. He touched his lips, the kiss instantly relived and he sighed, most of all he had learned that he cared enough about her, to let her go.

oOo

She had no idea what she was running back to, only the vague thought that she was always running from something and it was weird to be running back at breakneck speed towards something. Something she prayed was her dad. He had come back; he had started his revenge, he must be trying to draw Vido out. She could just see it, he had to have some of the old crew back and he was pushing Vido into a corner, they would kill him and things could be as they should be.

But what did that mean?

Was she that same girl who had been raised a Blue Suns? What if she did go back to that life, what would that mean to Garrus? She shook her head, she had burned that bridge and now she had burned the one with Thane, geez she was a regular goddamned pyro.

The thought of Thane brought something very much like guilt to her gut, odd considering she never had that feeling when she was supposed to. She thought of his deep eyes and the way his lips had felt on hers, nice and had it been any other time in her life she would have jumped at that chance, and all over him.

But there were a pair of blue eyes that haunted her sleep, what little of it she was able to get these last months. She closed her eyes, and for the first time caught herself hoping of course that she could find her dad, but more so now so she could find a way to get back to Garrus, and hope that he would forgive her. Holy hell she was turning into a romantic, and oddly the thought didn't disturb her nearly as much as it used to.

oOo

A hideout, spirits, Garrus Vakarian, ex C-sec cop, had a hideout with a group of, for a lack of a better word, mercenaries, though these didn't work for money; he had recruited men who had a reason to want the downfall of the organized gangs of Omega. It had started off simply enough, he had looked for others to help him, help stir up trouble, get some people to take notice, but now it had grown in to something he hadn't expected, something so much more. It had started giving some of the people on Omega hope, hope that their lives wouldn't be run by thugs anymore, that their children wouldn't be recruited into that life, that some of them might have a way out. That he was actually making a difference, there was no red tape here, there was no one telling him to fill out more forms, there was nothing to stop him.

They had even given him a name, Archangel.

oOo

Archangel, what the hell kind of name is that? Jessie downed another drink and listened to the talk, she had been back on Omega less than a day and it was obvious that whoever this was, had pissed off anyone with any power on Omega. Aria was downright pissed. Jessie figured it was mostly because she figured the bitch was mad she hadn't thought to do it first.

At first each of the groups had thought the other had started this, and it sparked a type of gang warfare on the streets of Omega.

Now though, they knew they were up against another group, and there were rumbles that something big was going to happen.

Jessie figured she had better find a way in there, and figure out what the hell was going on.

She had a plan; she would hit the sewers and work towards their hideout from there up. Before she could take the left out of Afterlife and head down there though. she was grabbed from behind and slammed against a wall.

She stared up at a very well-known face.

Shit, she was an idiot.

Vido, whoever was doing this had done enough to get his attention, here he was, and she could kill him and be done with it. Just the thought of snapping his neck was enough to cause a grin on her face that almost caused him to release her, but as she tried to move he put his armored leg between hers and shoved her harder against the wall.

"I didn't think you were this stupid, Jessie."

"Goddamn it, yeah, neither did I."

He laughed at her and she took a quick glance at the men around her and she sighed, outnumbered, she could take Vido but his men would get her in the scrum that followed. Shit.

"What did you do to my dad?"

"Shot him, left him to rot. Not that you cared, had a right nice life I've heard. Livin' off the Alliance teat and what about that Commander? Set your sights pretty high for gutter trash like yourself, did he know you were raised on Omega? Most likely had your pretty little legs wrapped around some of the worst criminals this place has had to offer? I think not, or your little hero boy would have tossed ya aside, good thing he died before that could be made public hmm? How many of them know what you really are, no not just a whore, how many know what they did to you, how many of them know that you're no better than Saren?"

"Fuck you." She spit at him and he slammed her head against the wall, it dazed her slightly and she closed her eyes at the nausea.

"Doesn't matter, I heard you went AWOL on them, not that I'm surprised, Zaeed spoiled you, never taught you your place. So, now that you're not protected by the Alliance I have my chance to end his legacy forever. Do you have any idea what I've gone through? I had to kill some of my best men because they were hopelessly attached to their fuckin' Princess."

She quirked an eyebrow and dared smile. She was rewarded with another slam against the wall, his face lowering within inches of hers. "Too bad I can't kill you; there are those far above myself who want you. But not before I take what I promised Zaeed I would, right before I shot him. Do you know I think the thought of me grunting over you was worse for him than the bullet I put through his head?"

She knew she shouldn't but when had that ever stopped her before? Jessie rocked forward and slammed her face against the bridge of his nose, he dropped her, but before she could move the men at his side had pinned here against the wall, and Vido backhanded her as he held his dripping, broken nose.

"Bitch, I'll enjoy breaking you."

She felt the hit and saw the bright flash before her world disappeared.

oOo

Jessie cracked open her eyes, her face was caked with streams of dried blood, shit the smack to her head must have bled like a bitch.

As her vision cleared she looked about the room, prison actually, four of them, two empty, one housed a Turian, and the way he was staring at her only annoyed her further.

"What the hell are you looking at?"

"Nothing, well besides wondering if you were going to bleed to death, I feel like I know you."

"Well do you?"

"I'm not sure, who are you?"

She laughed, "Ah ah, that's cheating if I tell you who I am. Lucky for you I don't follow the rules very well. My name is Jessie Massani or Jane Shepard, it depends on what group you run in on how you address me." She laughed but it ended in a groan as the sound split her head open anew.

"Right, I think I know you," but his thought was interrupted as a Blue Suns Merc stopped next to his cell.

"Now I don't think Vido would like you talkin' to the princess. Let's get you up shall we, he wants to talk to you."

Jessie stared at the back of the Turian walking towards the door, "Wait who, are you?" The Merc with him stopped and actually let him turn back to her, she wished she could see the face of the Merc, she might know him. Though she knew it was dangerous for him to admit that at this point.

"Sidonis, my name is Sidonis."

And that was it, he was gone and she slumped again and knew nothing but the pounding in her head.

oOo

"Sidonis, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you want to live." Vido eyed the Turian before him, the slight trembling of his mandible told Vido all he needed to know. "I'll take that as a yes, so tell me something that will keep me from killing you now, oh and before turning on your family, its funny what I can find out about a person's past. She may not want anything to do with you, but I doubt you want to see her brains painting your daughters wall, am I right?"

Sidonis eyed the ground in front of his feet; he knew he was going to give this man what he wanted he couldn't let his family be hurt, not even for them, not even for Garrus.

"I know something about that girl you have in there."

Sidonis watched Vido visibly flinch. "What the hell do you mean?"

"The girl, the one with the bright red hair, Jessie or Jane, whatever," Sidonis swallowed, "Archangel is in love with her."

"What? How the hell would you possibly know that, how the hell could he know her, you had better start explaining yourself."

"He was with her, back when she was in the Alliance, he met her in his C-sec days, he talks about her, and how all of this was started for her."

"Bullshit," Vido yelled and jumped towards Sidonis, his pistol placed firmly against his temple.

"I swear I'm not lying I swear to you, don't kill me, don't hurt my family."

Vido lowered the pistol, an idea beginning to form.

"Alright, Sidonis, you have one chance. I want you to go back to them, tell this Archangel I have her, tell him anything to get him away from the rest of them, I'll have some of my men follow you, you'll be spared, IF, what you say is true. One chance, don't fuck up."

Vido tapped the pistol against his thigh as Sidonis almost sprinted from the room to lead a group of his best men towards Archangels lair, his mind a swirl of thoughts. He lifted his eyes to a young Merc in the corner, Eric. Good kid, good Merc, one of Jessies first's if the rumours were true.

"So, when Archangel gets here, I want him alive, I want him to see what I'm going to do to his precious Jessie. Most likely he's just another one of her play things, I have it on good authority she doesn't have emotions of that sort, just a user, she's not worth anyone's time, understood?

The young man in the corner paused before nodding and Vido made a mental note to let him watch as well, better to shore up any lasting fondness for her and get everyone over the Massani's, besides she wouldn't be their problem for long.

oOo

"Slow down, Sidonis, what are you talking about? What do you mean Jane is here?"

"No shit, Garrus, Jane is with Vido, she was being kept in the cell next to mine, she doesn't look good, they're going to kill her, I'm sure of it, but I think he's going to do worse to her first, he's angry, he wants to break her."

Garrus' couldn't believe this, he had waited for her, and she was here, but the one man she had looked for had gotten to her first, spirits' his plan had failed and had a terrible result. He had to find her.

He was gone before the rest of his team even knew what was going on, and as he moved away from the hideout, he could have never known the traitor he had left with them. For as his first step landed on Vido's ground, the last bullet killed his team as they had sat down for a card game to wait on his return, they hadn't even had time to stand.

Garrus, though he didn't know it was alone, as Sidonis ran for his life.

Garrus watched the front door of Vido's apartments on the lower levels of the slums of Omega.

What a pit, the leader of the Blue Suns could have better. He was hiding Garrus thought with a tap of a talon against his rifle, hiding from him and his team, the sissy.

He tried to wait, he was good at waiting, long training as a sniper had taught him stillness, but the thought of Jane in there with him was enough to cause him to act sooner than he normally would have.

With two shots the guards at the door were down, he moved forward, switching to his pistol, silencer in place he made his way through the first room, nothing. Something wasn't right, this place should have been crawling with mercs.

He entered the third room, to his left was Jane bound and kneeling on the floor, Vido was standing next to her and kicked her forward so her chest was pressed against the ground his boot firmly on her back.

"I wasn't sure Sidonis was telling the truth, I wasn't sure such a virtuous Turian known as Archangel could care for plain merc trash like Jessie Massani. I'm not sure what the hell it is about her, but something about her makes men act like idiots."

Vido mused that Archangel actually looked confused, like it was something so beyond him that one of his team members would have given him up.

"Oh yes, Sidonis gave you up in a heartbeat. He was very sure you'd come after her, did you tell them what is like with a human? Is that why he knew you'd come get your piece?"

Garrus saw nothing but red, he fired twice and the men to the right and left of Vido dropped.

Vido didn't look alarmed just amused.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to kill her, I'm going to show you how you should use trash like her, I'm going to show you why you don't run after girls like this, why they are nothing, do you think she'll moan for me like she did all the others, you know that's all she is."

Garrus didn't wait for him to finish, he lunged for Vido and the man actually looked surprised, like he thought he was just going to stand there and listen to that bullshit.

"Watch it, Archangel, I have men everywhere, and they will kill her if you move."

"I don't fucking think so." Jessie said as she stood behind Garrus, her hands unbound, Eric stood to her side, he handed her his pistol and Vido laughed.

"Your admires are many, Princess." He spit the word at her and she almost squeezed the trigger and ended it. But before she could he smiled and looked towards the doors where Blue Suns were streaming in.

"Kill me and this whole building will blow, I'll take you all with me, don't doubt me, I'll kill everyone in this whole sector."

Jessie faltered and he saw it and laughed.

"Compassion eh, Jessie, that's where your dad went wrong, too, cost him, what will it cost you? Kill me and you'll never know where I left that pathetic father of yours. Oh and Archangel, your team, it's too late for them, well unless some of them haven't bled out yet."

Garrus turned to her and grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door, they couldn't risk that type of explosion, and he had to get back to his team, what an idiot he was.

Jane looked shocked as she heard the single gunshot behind her, Eric. How many people had to die for her, how many people had she hurt? Shit, there was that guilt again, things used to be so much simpler, before guilt.

oOo

The pain on Garrus' face was like watching a stained glass window break and shatter, something so beautiful and seemingly strong, cracks and shatters before you, it's a hard thing to watch. But she did, she stood behind him in silence knowing this was her fault, and worst of all, Vido had done this to both of them and he still lived. Fuck.

What must he think of her, she had been the one to run from him, not even a word and she had been gone. Not one thing to let him know she cared, that she had been scared, nothing.

What was he doing here? Why had her come, had the Alliance sent him after her? No they wouldn't have done that, well then what the hell was he doing on Omega?

She didn't have time to ask, he had swept the building and was now moving towards the back and towards the sewers, funny enough, the way she had planned on coming in, how much different things could have been if she hadn't been caught.

"Come on, Jane we can't stay here."

"Yeah, you can say that again, I'm surprised they didn't leave anyone for us. I would have."

Garrus hummed deep in his chest and nodded, "Yeah I would have too. But Vido is overconfident; I don't think he expected us to leave him so soon."

He motioned towards the sewer and they descended together and began walking.

"Yeah, well he doesn't know me very well then."

"Sounded like he thought he knew you pretty well actually."

She frowned, was that an insult? She wasn't sure and wasn't sure what to say back, she deserved anything and everything he could toss at her, but still it was hard to hear from him.

He must have seen the war of emotions flood her face because his posture softened as they walked and he stopped and held out his arm stopping her as well and lifted a talon to her chin, lifting her eyes to his.

"If it means anything, I don't think he was right."

She grunted and moved around him and pointed to a ladder.

"This was one of my dad's safe houses, it's hidden, and if my guess is right, and it usually is when it comes to things like this, this isn't over. It's just getting started. We'll have guns and ammo here."

"He'll regroup, and he won't be able to do this alone, he knows that now. Not with both of us."

Jessie sighed and slid down against the wall in what had been her father's room in this safe house. Garrus sat next to her and ran a talon down her face; he didn't speak so she started after taking a deep breath.

"Most of what he says is true, that's how I was. I didn't know how to deal with emotions, my dad didn't believe in them, I told you that. I just never realized how many people I've hurt. Hell, still hurting. Kaidan, Eric, Thane."

Garrus flinched and pulled his hand back from her, but she caught his hand on the way down and pulled it into hers. "No, I didn't. I couldn't, I won't lie, I wanted to, but I couldn't."

Garrus' mandibles spread in a smile before he pulled her to him and turned her so her back was against his chest and he nestled his face in her neck and breathed deeply.

"We all 'were' something, Jane." She didn't correct him on her name; it seemed, natural for him to call her Jane. And she reveled in the warmth of his body.

"It's not what we were that is important, it's what we are and what we want to become. You aren't the Blue Suns Princess anymore."

"Then what am I, hell who am I? Who is Jane Shepard, and how does she coexist with Jessie Massani?"

"I don't know, but I know I want to be there, Garrus Vakarian and Jane...whoever, I'll be here."

"Why? I'm so, broken."

She could feel his smile against the side of her face as he brushed his short nose against her cheek.

"I thought you'd know by now, I love you, Jane. Nothing feels right without you, I'm yours, if you want me."

For the first time in her memory tears streamed down her cheeks and she nodded turning to bury her face against his armor, it was the most comforting feeling in the world, he was solid and real, and she cared about him. This Turian knew her, didn't judge her, didn't want her to be anything but what she was going to be, and didn't want to force her to figure it out, just be there. The feeling was freeing and for the first time she felt like she had actually been able to find home.

"I want you, Garrus, you've been all I could think of for months."

"Then why did you leave me, Jane? I would have done anything to help you, hell I left C-sec and came to live on Omega for you, and that was after thinking you had left me for Thane."

She shoved him gently. "I was scared, of what I felt for you, without having even kissed you, of what that could mean for our future, what all of it was. I thought you'd want me to be...well what Kaidan had wanted. That and the guilt, well I didn't know it was guilt at the time."

"Yes, that, well we'll both share the blame for that. I shouldn't have asked you, but to be fair, we didn't actually, do anything. I just came to love who you were under the bullshit."

He smiled again and before she could speak he laughed and pressed his head against hers, "As for the kissing, I think we can manage that now."

She giggled as he rubbed his head against hers, "You're scenting me, who do you think is going to try to take me now?"

"Think of it as an early warning system, they'll know who the sniper dot belongs to if they even think of touching you."

She smiled and snuggled back against his chest, her eyes heavy with sleep, and something oddly like contentment settling into her chest.

"Hey, Jane, just one thing, if I might ask, please don't run from me, stay, we'll figure anything out, together. I don't think I can handle doing something like this alone again."

"I won't run. I'll stay with you, I love you."

Thane had told her she had loved Garrus and she had brushed it off, and she found it very fulfilling now that she spoke the words and realized they were true.

The only problem was, those feelings she knew now as love, those had been some of the same she had felt for Kaidan. She had cared about him. Had it been more? Had she been too selfish to realize it?

There it was again, her new friend...guilt.

~~~Six months later~~~

Garrus groaned as Jane sat up straight in their bed, they had moved from safe house to safe house, killing and moving, things were always just a breath away from getting nasty, but so far they had been able to stay ahead of the groups hunting them. Jane's movement instantly put Garrus on alert and he reached for his rifle, but Jane stilled his hand, her eyes filled with something like pain, or was that dread, "What is it love?"

She gasped again and took a deep breath, yes it was there, faint but there, a second heartbeat, in that place where Kaidan used to be, she felt his painful breath, felt his heart start again and felt... god it was like she was being poked, stitched and fused, what the hell was going on?

She turned fearful eyes towards Garrus and whispered, "Kaidan is alive."

~~~Almost Two Years After Kaidan's Death~~~

"Commander Alenko, good to see you up and back together. I know you have a lot of questions and I'm sure, Jacob and Miranda can assist you with anything I might leave out, I've told you about what is happening with the human colonies. Now you'll need a team, and I need Jane Shepard, though I hear she's hard to find, she's left the Alliance and is now in parts unknown."

Kaidan sighed, what had happened to Jane after his death? Had she gone after her dad? He didn't know, all he knew was he could feel her again, and his heart beat just that much quicker at the thought of having a second chance. His last thought had been of her, and now he needed to find her, it didn't matter what TIM wanted, he needed Jane to pull this off, the entire galaxy was at stake, and she was a bigger part of it than any of them could have imagined.

**** Yeah, I guess it did feel a bit rushed, I just get going and everything comes pouring out. I'll work on that, thank you for your honesty, can't get better without it.**

**As far as who's romance this is, well to be honest I want to let that unfold, you can all be on your team, and root for your favorite. Because the issues are just about to begin when all three boys and Jane are in one place at one time. Hold on, it might get rough.****


End file.
